Bondage for Beginners
No, it’s not as kinky as you think. Being tied is a really common fantasy - for him as well as for her - because it mixes erotic anxiety (about being tied and helpless) with erotic security (about being held and controlled). Bondage makes us feel a bit fearful, but then calms us down because we feel secure.
The result can be intense pleasure for the bondee – who gets to concentrate on their own pleasure without having to give anything back, as well as getting an intense hit of excited hormones and arousing muscle tension.
The person doing the bondage can get off on it too – feeling in control, feeling powerful, and seeing their partner wrapped up and a little, well helpless.
First rule – as always – is safety. Long discussions first about what’s allowed and what’s not. Never tie too tightly, never leave anyone alone when they’re bound. Have a safe word to mean stop if either of you gets uncomfortable – and always honour it.
Second rule is to start slowly. Use tissue paper wound round wrists and ankles to allow the bondee to explore what they like and don’t like. Progress slowly up to cloth strips (not silk scarves, tights or stockings, they tighten and block circulation) or leather thongs.. (If you get really keen, most good sex shops have more heavy-duty options, but this blog is for beginners).
Then find a good location. The classic is to tie the bondee to the bedposts, arms and legs spread. Or, arms up and wrists bound to the shower head. Or simply tie one body part to another – wrist to wrist, ankle to ankle, big toes together. Steer clear of genitals and never put anything over nose or mouth – or at least until you know exactly what you’re doing.
Then – with them feeling if not actually being, helpless – start in on the bondee. Tease, touch, kiss, lick, suck, ride… the thrill is that they’re not in control and can struggle as much as they like but still have to take the pleasure. (And, if you stop and deny them that pleasure, they’re not in control of that, either.)
If you both get really good at it, you can bring them orgasm still tied – though untie at once because once the euphoria of climax dies away, they may start to ache from the muscle tension. The bondee should come to lying safely and happily in your arms…