Building your partner's sexual confidence
Of course we want to feel good in bed – and we want our partner to feel good, too. But while it’s frighteningly easy to undermine a beloved by saying or doing the wrong thing, it’s also very simple to boost their confidence.
This’ll have benefits for you too. Because the better your partner feels about themselves, the more they’ll enjoy themselves in bed, the more contented they’ll be with you as a lover – and the more relaxed they’ll be around trying new things, experimenting, pleasing you. Win-win situation all round!
So here are five tips for her, and five tips for him on how to make your partner feel like a love god (or goddess).
FOR HER: HOW TO MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE A LOVE GOD
1: Tell him how impressed you are by his body, particularly his penis - because most men are very insecure about their muscles (and their love muscle). Don’t overplay it – he’ll know if you’re just flattering. But if you can genuinely tell him you love his organ, he’ll be eternally grateful.
2: Jump him without him asking you to. It’s every man’s dream for his beloved to initiate sex because she wants him sooooo much – he not only feels valued that she wants it, he feels extra valued because she’s taking the lead and not making him do the work. So when desire strikes, and you can’t wait a minute longer, go for it!
3: Show him how much he turns you on. When his touch sends you to heaven, really let him know – with words, moans, whimpers and wriggles. He’ll love to get really clear feedback about how he’s reaching you.
4: Tell him how to turn you on. It may sound contrary to say that you’ll boost his confidence by telling him to do something different - and you certainly shouldn’t’ nag or blame. But guys like to know they’re succeeding. So if you know a particular move blows your mind, letting him know that move will make him feel trusted and special – particularly if you’ve never told any other lover that particular secret.
But never, ever... slag him off to your friends… tell him he’s too small, even as a joke… tell him he’s a worse lover than your ex… complain about his technique while you’re doing it… complain about his technique at all (complaining never works!)
FOR HIM: HOW TO MAKE HER FEEL LIKE A LOVE GODDESS
1: Tell her how much you love her body, particularly how she looks down there – and especially how she smells and tastes. Most women are convinced that they smell awful and are utterly thrilled by men who shows how much they love that odour. Try touching her down there and licking your fingers to show how much you enjoy.
2: Show her, in specifics, when she’s getting it right. Girls know it’s usually easy for a guy to get turned on – so she may not feel particularly flattered when you respond to her. But if you can respond to particular things she does - maybe a special way she has of kissing, or a cute trick she does with her breasts - then she’ll know that you’re not just being generally grateful, but you really like what *she* does.
3: Make orgasm something you share with her. Sure, when you climax you lose yourself in the sensation. But when you do, let her see and hear the pleasure so she knows she’s reached you. So don’t try to control - let yourself move and yell (though if you call a name, make sure it’s hers and not your ex’s!) Afterwards turn to her and cuddle rather than turning away to sleep. Thanking her isn’t a bad idea, either!
4: Talk about sex out of bed. Of course you’ll tell her she’s spectacular just after you’ve come – but then you would, wouldn’t you? But if you tell her how sexy she is at breakfast, text her with sexual compliments, during the day, whisper naughty thoughts when you’re in the supermarket queue, that’ll really get through. There are few things more morale-boosting to a girl than knowing her man is fantasising about her all day long.
But never, ever... tell her she’s overweight… say her breasts are too small… tell her your ex gave better oral sex… threaten to leave if she won’t try something you want (say that, and she should leave!).