Fantasies, Fetishes and Philias
Of course straight sex – the warm, affectionate, cuddly sort – is the main dish of the sexual menu. It’s lovely, it’s reliable, it’s what you do most of the time.But just sometimes you might want something a little more exotic. Perhaps for a special anniversary, perhaps for a weekend away, perhaps to inject a little excitement into a lovelife that is perfectly fine but needs a boost. This is where you can turn to what I call the ‘three Fs’ – Fantasies, Fetishes, Philias..
So what are we talking about here?
Fantasy, of course, means thinking
about a kind of sex that you’re not actually having at the time – maybe
dreaming about sex with a stranger, sex at the top of the Eiffel Tower,
or sex while on a trapeze.
A fetish is where you link sexual feelings
with an object – maybe getting turned on by leather, uniforms or a
particular kind of food.
A philia (yes, it is pronounced with an ‘f’)
is when you feel horny from a specific activity – some of the strangest
I’ve discovered include toe-sucking, swimming underwater and being
tickled!
However weird these sound, we all have mild fantasies, fetishes and philias - we all think about sex sometimes, we all get turned on by certain objects and we all like particular activities. Where it gets interesting, though, is where our responses are overwhelming – where just the very thought of sex in a leather jacket or sex on a hang glider triggers us to instant arousal. If you know you have such a fantasy, fetish or philia, it can be a wonderfully useful part of lovemaking – alone or with a partner.
Any dangers? Well yes – as with anything, if you take these “three Fs” to extremes they can backfire. So if you can *only* get aroused by making love to Mr Blobby, then you do have a problem! Or if your arousal depends on damaging yourself or someone else, physically or emotionally, then that’s a step too.
But otherwise, why not let your imagination run riot? If you’ve always fancied bathing in champagne, then do it (well, all right, in credit crunch days, use Cava)? If smearing each other with chocolate and then licking it all off is what does it for you, go for it. If high heels are your absolute thing then buy them and wear them (or get your significant other to wear them). And if your turn-ons just aren’t possible – you actually can’t be seduced by the whole of the Liverpool Football Team in the goal mouth at the Anfield end – then why not fantasise about it?
You don’t have to jump in at the deep end. Think about the least scarey thing you want to do that you haven’t done yet – then set a date and do it. After that, work your way out to bigger and better adventures. Need more ideas? There are hundreds of sex books on the market – including my own – that will give you suggestions.
Once you’re sure you like one of the three Fs, then by all means mention it to your significant other, though of course don’t sulk or be outraged if they don’t share it - everyone has their own and sometimes two turn-ons just aren’t compatible . But if your beloved’s eyes do light up, then thank your lucky stars.
Because there’s only one thing better than a whole long evening spent alone indulging a fantasy, a fetish or a philia. And that’s a whole long evening spent indulging a fantasy, fetish or philia – with your beloved.