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Thursday 23rd October 2014
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Have a no-hands orgasm!

Recent research from the States tells us that some women can bring themselves to climax without actually touching themselves. But is this true? And can *you* do it? This week, my Sex Tip suggests that, with lots of practice, the answer might be yes, Yes, YES!

- You’ll certainly need to prepare yourself mentally beforehand: all the  women in the American study fantasized as a way to get themselves aroused. Because the brain is your biggest erogenous zone, so use it to the max. Remember your best-ever sex, and then play it through moment by moment. Or fantasise what your best ever future sex might be (Johnny Depp and a waterbed, anyone?) and then let your imagination run riot. You’ll need to do this for a while – not just a few minutes – until your body gets the message.

- You’ll also need to relax as much as possible. It’s now clear that women simply can’t orgasm until they feel safe, secure and relaxed – relaxed enough to switch off that part of the female brain that creates anxiety. So yes, use all those ‘candles, massage oil, romantic music’ tips and hints – but mostly, make sure you aren’t getting tense about the whole thing. This is not a race, nor is it a contest!

- Once you’re fully relaxed and your body’s started to respond to the thoughts you’re having, then get really aware of what you’re feeling. Research suggests that the reason many women don’t get aroused spontaneously in the way guys do is because their brains don’t actually register that their bodies are responding. So focus on the key areas of sexual arousal – nipples perhaps, clitoris surely, vagina. And don’t ignore your personal hot spots; maybe you get a tingle down your back when you get aroused, or maybe it’s your inner thighs that respond. As you fantasize, concentrate on these areas.

- Let your breathing follow suit. Again, the American study’s subjects often breathed their way to climax. And that makes sense, because taking on the breathing patterns you naturally use as you climax  -  deep and slow, moving to quick and shallow -  will send the message to your body that climax is imminent. Keep breathing, keep concentrating, keep fantasizing – and let your genitals in particular get more and more aroused.

- Next, add in pelvic floor clenches. Pull in then let go your vaginal muscles – preferably with a slight tilt of your bottom upwards (add a pillow under your bum if you find it hard to keep that tilt without help). Then keep pulling in and letting go… this parallels the spasms of orgasm and nudges your body into realizing what it need to do. If you climax easily through penetration this might be all you need to tip you over the edge.

- If – like most women – you climax best through clitoral stimulation, you may have to take a different approach, and it may take quite a few attempts. After all the above steps, stimulate your clit as you always do, but make the stimulation as light as you can possibly do and still come. Then touch even more lightly, making most of your arousal come from your fantasy, breathing, clenches, and above all by concentrating on your sensations. Over time, get to the point where you are holding your fingers over your clit until the very last moment and then bringing yourself off by just one, single, light touch. Then… try to tip over the edge by imagining that single touch rather than actually doing it…

So… is it possible? For sure, not all of us will be able to do it. But for sure, given lots of practice and lots and lots of relaxation and focus, some of us will be able to do. So try it, keep practising – and do get in touch and tell us if you succeed!

PS: Sadly, the no-hands orgasm is much more difficult for the men, who typically need much more direct stimulation.  Sorry guys!