Learn To Love Your Genitals
Jim and I get so many calls from women (and men) who are, shall we say, not happy with their ‘bits’. He may worry that his penis is too small to satisfy a woman… she may worry that her vagina is too big to satisfy a man. (And that’s even without considering the agony people feel about their balls, their bottoms and their boobs.)So what should you do if you’re worried about some aspect of your body, particularly your genitals? Here are my Dos and Don’ts.
DO realise that human beings have a wide variety of shapes and sizes ‘down there’. Because we don’t typically see a range of other people’s genitals, we don’t get a sense of what’s usual or normal – and the answer is ‘everything and anything’. Some men have small penises, some have large; some men’s balls are tiny, most men have one ball lower than the other. Some women have huge clitorises, others have narrow vaginas, yet others have large or protruding labia. And everyone’s genitals look a bit like plucked chicken skin! You’re not weird because you look the way you do.
DON’T think there’s a perfect shape. Yes, on page 3 and the porn videos we may see a certain shape and size – but even if they’re not Photoshopped they are also not typical, or even preferable. You have the shape you have, and when you find a partner who loves you for yourself, then they will love your shape too! (If you have a partner who gives you a hard time about your bits, then you’re going out with an uninformed bully.)
DO wonder if your unhappiness with your genitals has a psychological cause – many concerns do. If you’ve been brought up slightly nervous or inhibited about sex, this may translate into wanting to change your bits because you feel that will make you more confident. It rarely does. True sexual confidence is not about the way you look but about the way you feel – and the way you make your partner feel.
DON’T fall for the cosmetic surgery route to alter your genitals. It’s expensive, it may not give you the result you want – and much more importantly, the latest research suggests that many firms offering such surgery radically underestimate the risks involved, both short and long term. In fact, it can actually damage your genital nerves, leaving you less sensitive where it matters.
DO – if you’re a woman – take the time to look closely at your genitals. ‘He’ does this all the time when they go to the loo – but ‘she’ may never have explored. A mirror, a light and a comfortable sitting position will let her look, feel – and even taste. Trust me, once you get to know your genitals, you’ll also start to accept – and celebrate them.
And DO make the absolute best of what you have. So if your penis is short – and remember that most women prefer girth to length – find positions that will give her the stimulation you want, and learn to give amazing oral sex. If your vagina is loose then yes do your pelvic floor exercises, but also find positions that bring your legs together so gripping him more tightly. Enjoy!