Making Porn Work For You
Of course there are some kinds of porn that Jim and I would neither recommend nor condone – and there are some dangers, which I’ll list out later. But video porn can also be A Good Thing. And here’s why.1: Porn can relax you. Watching others have sex can physiologically give you the same relaxed feelings as you’d get after making love.
2: Porn can get you going. Because men are more turned on by what they see, the sight of naked bodies can kick-start arousal. Use it – alone or together – as foreplay; watch while naked, then let the arousal you feel lead directly into lovemaking.
3: Porn can be exciting because it’s voyeuristic. Watching others make love is something most of us have never done – and there’s a wicked thrill about doing that, even on screen.
4: Porn can help you out if you’re on your own (or if you’re partnered but your beloved is cool about it). This is the classic – watching while self-pleasuring – and there are now female-friendly porn sites so this doesn’t have to be for him alone; she can do it too
5: Porn can expand your repertoire. If what’s shown is creative, experimental and loving, then you can learn a great deal from what you watch. Porn can give you ideas to try out for yourself – enjoy the vid, then swap notes on what you want to try for yourselves.
6: Porn can bring you closer. If you both get aroused by what you’re watching, it’s a loving thing to share. (Though be careful, for what is his turn-on may be her turn-off and vice versa – if in doubt let her go through the catalogue and mark up her picks, from which he can then choose.)
7: Porn can be a special treat. Celebrate an anniversary with a little good food, drink, then watch the porn while you make love (to yourself alone or together). And there’s an added benefit - the more you do this, the more you’ll link pleasure in with the film – and next time you watch, it will turn you on even more.
But of course, now, some warnings.
1; Don’t let bad porn skew your idea of sex. The truth is that most men don’t have huge penises, most women don’t have huge boobs, and no loving sex involves one partner being aggressive to the other.
2: Don’t let porn become addictive. If either of you gets to the point where real live ‘skin on skin’ lovemaking isn’t as interesting as onscreen action, then you have a problem.
3: Don’t let porn come between you. If either of you is hiding away from the relationship by watching porn – or watching it despite the fact that the other objects - then you need to rebuild your love, probably with the help of counseling. (www.relate.org.uk)