Of course you don’t always want to orgasm – but let’s face it, it is lovely when you do. Even better is when you both do – and even better is when you both do, both together. Here are my hints and tips…
Helping him along
It may seem as if when it comes to orgasms, it’s simple for him- all he needs is a bit of stimulation and he’s away. Often it’s like that – but sometimes he can find things difficult and needs extra help. If so, then the worst thing she can do is to nag, blame, blame herself or sulk. On the other hand, the best thing she can do is to take the pressure off by him all the way back to cuddling, then ask him what he needs or wants - and deliver. Most men will respond to oral sex if she’s willing to do that – he can lie back and not worry about performing, lose himself in the sensation and, as if by magic, find himself climaxing.
Helping her along
New research from a Swedish neuroscientist suggests that the key to her orgasming is not so much giving her the right physical stimulation but allowing her to relax emotionally. If she feels safe and secure, she can concentrate on what she’s feeling and abandon herself to it. That said, most women do need a particular form of pressure and rhythm – which varies from woman to woman so she should show him exactly what she links. And the vast majority of women need clitoral touch as well as vaginal penetration. So lots of hand and tongue work will usually send her to heaven.
Don’t panic – if you’ve never had a simultaneous orgasm in your life, you’re not alone. In fact, it’s fairly unusual – so most of the time I’d recommend you enjoy taking turns, or bringing yourselves off together. So long as over time you both have roughly the same number of orgasms, then be happy!
But if you want to try for simultaneous, then there are ways. The secret is to speed up the slower partner (typically her) and slow down the speedier one (typically him).
- Speed her up with mental arousal, sexy texts, erotic phone calls, moody films, fantasies – anything that in the hours before lovemaking, will get her in the mood.
- Slow him down by stopping occasionally to let him calm down again.
- Make sure she’s well lubricated – use commercially-sold ones or simply use saliva.
- Use hand, mouth or vibrator to bring her right to the edge before he penetrates.
- If he’s climaxing too fast then hold him back with two fingers just below his glands to soften his erection.
- Try 69 - mutual oral sex – waiting until you’re both ready to go before finishing off.
- When it comes to positions, use side-by-side for the shallow thrusting that will hold him back, or her-on-top so she can get the stimulation that will speed her up.
- Or – this one will almost always work – use the Coital Alignment Position (CAT). He goes on top, penetrates and then slides down so his pubic bone nudges her clitoris as he thrusts. She should tilt her pelvis for maximum clitoral stimulation.Have fun!