skip to content skip to search skip to navigation Listen Live skip to logon
Wednesday 24th August 2016
Max 31°C | Min 19°C

The Wages Of Smiling And Waving

Posted by Nick Abbot on June 30, 2014 at 10:43AM


More than half of households in this country receive more in benefits than they pay in taxes. The poorest, who earn under £4,000 a year get about £3 for every £1 they pay in tax. This figure goes into reverse the higher up the income scale a family goes until the very apogee of British society, when it goes into a massive re-reversal. The family that sits atop the country is not like any other. They say the rich are different from you and me, wrote F. Scott Fitzgerald and the Royal rich are different-er.

For instance, Her Majesty the Queen received a 22% pay rise for this year and next. Her subjects, with the exception of those in the banking racket, have had to get along with little or no pay rise for years, while their bills have shot up like a NASA space launch. When the method for calculating the Queen's income was changed so that she receives 15% of the profits from the Royal Estate, it was sold to the great unwashed as a cost saving for us. Her Maj will have to economise and get by on less, we were told. If you believed that, I have some Florida swamp land I would like to sell you.

What actually happened was that her team of aggressive financial experts went into overdrive to ensure that did not happen. Among the many advantages that the royal family enjoy is that they have parcels of land that are so big that they barely fit on maps, and they own the rights to the sea bed off the coast for as many miles as you could spy with a telescope. This has encouraged them to have a change of heart about those hulking monstrosities that march across the horizon like flailing white giants – wind turbines.

Prince Charles, who seldom allows a thought to go unexpressed, claimed that wind farms were a horrendous blot on the landscape. His dad described them as an absolute disgrace. And they were right. That the family subsequently became among the chief cheerleaders for the things might have something to do with the money they discovered they could rake in by siting them on the land and the coast they control.

Campaign groups were dead set against them. This is because they were placed where they could see them. The royal family have ensured that none of their beautiful views have been spoiled, while blotting the country with their horrendousness. The key to their change of heart is the money that energy firms pay and the millions the taxpayer coughs up in subsides for the “greening” of our power.

Not so useless and horrendous if you get millions for having them, and you make sure they put them where you can't see them from any of your homes.

It is all so that some of us can boil an egg with the current produced by the currents. Which is probably more than the royal family's new hope Kate will do in any of her three kitchens. Pippa's sister is overseeing the instillation of a brand new food preparation facility in what is charmingly referred to as the “flat” that she and Wills have been gifted in Kensington Palace. It is a flat like Buckingham Palace is a house.

It covers what is described as “more than twenty rooms”. Presumably the person doing the counting gave up after succumbing to exhaustion due the long distances they had to travel from room to room, most of which appear to be large enough to land a helicopter in without the blades touching the museum quality antiques.

The kitchen itself is the size of an average one bedder and covers 350 square feet. The workings are all being ripped out at a cost to us of £170,000. That is about what it would cost to build a four bedroom house. But it does not end there. Kate is also having a second kitchen built in the same “flat”, which would be better described as a terraced palace.

Wondering what to get a couple who have everything? How about a second kitchen that they won't use. Or a third, as they are having a £38,000 kitchen binned in their other palace and replaced with something more to the taste of a couple who don't cook and won't do the washing up.

Their spokes-team say that they will be paying for this with their own money, but where on earth do they suppose that comes from?

The poor are pilloried for taking more than they give, but the richest takest the mostest.