It’s a miracle that Gordon Brown has found a way to balance Britain’s books and return us to vigorous economic health by not reducing spending or increasing taxes. He has apparently found a third way which must be by relying on Divine Intervention. Think of a number, now double it and multiply it by the number of stars in the heavens above and that is the amount in pounds that we owe to whoever it is that countries become indebted to. We had better hope that they are forgiving or we’ll all end up with a horse’s head in our beds.
It is similarly miraculous that the Roman Catholic church have found a scapegoat for what has become the biggest paedophile scandal that the world has ever seen. Employees of the Vatican have abused children in practically every country they have set foot in for as long back as anyone might care to investigate. Their explanation is a simple one, to paraphrase: “it weren’t us, we ain’t done nuffink, it was the Devil wot dun it.” The Vatican’s chief exorcist has assured the doubtful that the sex abuse scandal that has engulfed the Church is proof that the Anti-Christ has set up residence in the Vatican and even sometimes makes fun of him. Happily, this allows the Holy See to regain that most desirable address: the moral high ground.
It is also a miracle that a young man called Toby, after an evening’s libation, took to cooking himself a hearty supper, fell asleep and woke coughing from the smoke of his burning bacon to find that the face of Our Lord Jesus had been singed to the bottom of his frying pan by his charcoaled streaky rashers. He said “I just turned off the heat, lifted up the pan and there was J.C. looking back at me.” Apparently they are now on nick-name terms. He says he will keep the pan in its current condition for the rest of his life and who can doubt that? A twenty-two year old cleaning the frying pan after using it - now that would be a miracle!