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Saturday 25th October 2014
Max 15°C | Min 11°C

It weren't like this in my day!

Posted by Nick Abbot on May 14, 2014 at 10:47AM

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That nice man from Ukip Roger Helmer, who is standing in next month’s Newark by-election, said some people find homosexuality “viscerally repugnant”.


Nigel Farage leapt to his defence and said that “if we asked the 70's and over in this country about it, most of them still feel uncomfortable”.


With the greatest respect, here is a list of other things that the over 70's might also find uncomfortable:


everyone under 50

public displays of affection

men with long hair

women with short hair

pint glasses without handles

vegetarians

ethnic food (aka “foreign muck”)

bathrooms that aren't carpeted

draughts

any politician that's not called Margaret or Nigel

clothes in any colour except brown

newfangled drinks, (e.g. coffee)

windows without net curtains

the internet

mobile phones

exercise

spices

holidays abroad (what's wrong with Scarborough?)

weather that is too warm

weather that is too cold

music made after 1953

actors who mumble

people that aren't just like them

mixed race marriage

single mothers

people without hats

men not wearing ties

women wearing ties

suede shoes

beards

canapés

fizzy wine

anything loud

French bread

French fries

anything French...

...or German

TV programmes that aren't the news

having to call the wireless the radio

anything invented after 1955

tables without doilies

tea pots without cosies

untrimmed hedges

jeans

that woman on Watchdog

the closure of C&A...

...and where's Woolworths?

clothes that aren't polyester

corn on the cob

stairs

sandals without socks

other people's driving

and change



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