Put A Spring In Your Sex Life
SPRING TIP 1: SURPRISE!
Over the years, you will have learned what works for each other - maybe always using a particular intercourse position, or always breaking out your favourite vibrator – and you now major on that.
So ring the changes. Whatever you normally do, do something different – a different venue, a different position, a different sex toy. (If you can’t think of new ideas, then buy a good sex manual for inspiration.)
And – here’s the best bit – make all this a surprise to your partner. There’s nothing nicer than being surprised in bed: it shows your beloved that you want to rev up your sex life, shows you care enough to find something new to try.
Make it a surprise rather than a shock, though, by giving some warning. Send a text message during the day, telling your beloved to expect something new that night. Maybe greet them with champagne as they arrive home, so they know a surprise is coming.
Also, allow them a ‘get out clause’ in case they don’t fancy what you have in mind. Buy that sex manual mentioned earlier, pop Post-Its on the pages containing the new moves you fancy – then let your partner choose. .Maybe call them upstairs to find a selection of new sex toys, from less-risky (massage oil) to more-challenging (a huge dildo), lying on the bed - then let them pick the one to try.
SPRING TIP 2: BOUNCE!
Want to add some bounce to your sex life? One brilliant position is for him to lie on his back on the bed with her positioned over him but taking the weight on her feet and her knees bent. She carefully lowers herself down, then leans forward slightly to put her hands on the headboard – leaning back too far can put his penis in danger, so don’t go there. Like this she can use the natural ‘bounce’ in the mattress to fuel her up-and-down movement, giving him lots of new sensations.
In reverse, if he’s very fit, he can use the mattress to create bounce by putting her on her back with her legs round his waist as he penetrates her. He then moves to a kneeling position and takes the weight on his hands rather than his elbows - if he then moves up and down vertically from his kneeling position, lowering and then raising her pelvis as he moves, it gets a real rhythm going.
For even more bounce, try one of those home trampolines. You both sit cross legged, with her on his lap, then he inserts; with your arms round each other for stability, she moves up and down together. This kind of lovemaking is great if you want slow and gentle action. Be careful, though – build up too much momentum and you’ll fall off!
TIP 3: SPRINGCLEAN!
Jim and I say it so often on the programme, but it always bears repeating – you can’t have a good sex life if your relationship isn’t good too. It’s time to spring clean your issues.
So sit down together and talk these questions through. Are you spending enough – but not too much – time together? Are talking to each other regularly? Are you reconciling your differences when they crop up? If you argue, do you kiss and makeup as soon as you can? Do you celebrate your relationship as much as you should?
Now, throw out the rubbish bits. Deal with any outstanding issues. Put any resentments away, forgive and forget. Resolve disagreements so both of you are. Learn how to argue effectively – my book Stop Arguing Start Talking (Vermilion 6.99) will help. And most of all, set aside regular time to celebrate when you’re getting things right – take pride in what you’ve achieved together as a couple.
Spring clean your relationship this way and I guarantee that next time you make love, it’ll feel even better!