How to have perfect holiday sex

Holiday romance

The holiday season is upon us and the opportunities for romance often increase in the sunshine. However, there are some important things to bear in mind when looking for love on foreign shores (sometimes quite literally!).

So whilst you’re laying out your suntan lotion, swimwear and beach towel, make sure you print off a copy of this week’s Sex Tip as we reveal the things you need to know about having sex on holiday…

1: Be prepared! Let’s get the key safety tip out of the way. Unless you’re with a long-term partner and you’ve both been tested,  pack lots (and lots) of condoms – not only standard ones, but flavoured in case you want oral and heavy duty ones in case of anal. (But remember that any oil based lotion will eat through latex as quick as you can say ‘unplanned pregnancy!’

2: Be extra prepared. Not to overdo your baggage allowance, but it’s always nice to pack a few sex toys – a cock ring to support erections for him, a vibrator to guarantee orgasms for her, and lots and lots of lube. If you take them in your hand luggage and get searched, don’t panic. They’ve seen it all before. If you check your vibrator in, pack the batteries separately or they’ll have run down by the time you touch down. (If you forget the vibrator, remember the old trick of using an electric toothbrush with a new head.)

3: When you get settled into your apartment/hotel, check out the facilities. Hotel rooms are wonderful for firm beds (for her on top sex), interesting chairs (for sitting sex) , firm shower attachments (for tying one of you up),  full length mirrors – and yes, hotel designers do often think ahead and place them where you’ll be able to use them erotically. Plus,  don’t forget that hotel rooms in particular are usually built soundproof!

4: Scout out the location too. Resorts mean beaches for late night swimming (though be aware that safe sex isn’t really possible in water). Country breaks have hedges to hide behind and trees to back each other up against steer clear of cows who can get startled and attack. City breaks mean art galleries and museums – no, full sex probably isn’t possible, but you could set yourselves the task to feel each other up in every gallery you visit.  (However, respect local customs – if outdoor sex and nudity is frowned on, don’t do it!)

5:Learn the language. If you get it on with a local, it’s courteous to at least know,  in their native tongue, how  to tell them you like them, how to ask them what you can do to please, how to give them directions on how to please you. If you’ve brought your beloved with you, then it’s useful to at least know how to find your local wine store, your local florist, your local condom shop.

6: Exploit the fact that holidays mean you can turn the clock upside down. You may usually miss his morning erection because of having to go to work – but be able to take advantage of it plus a long late lie in. In sunnier climes, follow the locals’ lead and take a siesta, with the ‘do not disturb sign’ on the door. Make love on the (secluded) balcony while watching the dawn, the sunset  and marking every hour in between.

7: Sorry, here’s another health warning. Too much bonking (particularly with lots of alcohol on top) can give her cystitis and  ruin her holiday completely. So vary the type of sex you have, and water down your booze intake with lots of  bottled water.

8; With a partner you’ve met on holiday, take things slowly and revel in the fact that unlike most newly met couples, you’ve got several whole days where you can spend 24/7 to get to know each other. So explore… trace each other’s bodies with fingertips, lips, breasts and penis – or anything you’ve collected during the day, such as that lovely shell, that tropical flower or the (well washed) feather from the exotic bird.

9: With a long-term partner, here’s your chance to try new things out. Pack a good sex manual. (Would I recommend my own books? Of course I would – The Romantic Lover and The Adventurous Lover are both tiny enough to pop in your handluggage and are published by Mitchell Beazley, £7.99 each.) Pop postit notes on the things you’ve always wanted to experiment with and do them one a day.

10: Finally, to keep you going when you get home, don’t be shy of making memories. No, vids of you swinging from the chandeliers probably aren’t a good idea if you’ve only just met and don’t know whether your new partner is trustworthy – but even then you can write a diary! And if you’re with your beloved, don’t hold back from snapping those pics to bring back the glow when you’re back in Hammersmith, Hampstead or the Holloway Road.

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