Steve Allen brings you the latest from the newspapers as you wake up.
17 April 2017, 01:05
North Korea threatened to 'ruthlessly ravage' US troops and to 'pulverize' US bases and the South Korean capital Seoul if it was threatened by the US military, which is unfortunate because a threatening US aircraft carrier group is steaming right towards them.
Still, I am sure that the leaders of North Korea and the US are sensible, grounded men, so what could possibly go wrong?
China warned the region could go to war 'at any moment', particularly if Donald Trump keeps pronouncing it as "Jyna".
North Korea warned that President Donald Trump's 'troublemaking' and 'aggressive' tweets have pushed the world to the brink of thermo-nuclear war, which is my least favourite type of war.
Pyongyang's Vice Minister said: 'We will go to war if they choose', and that the country would continue developing its nuclear program and conduct its next nuclear test whenever its leaders see fit.
He said: we'll do it if we want and you can't stop us.
We need that nice nanny off the telly to sit these toddlers on the naughty step.
During the election campaign, Trump said he would not be getting involved in any foreign wars.
His presidency is not even 100 days in, and so far he has dropped bombs on both sides of the conflict in Syria, dropped the biggest bomb since Nagasaki on Afghanistan, is sailing an armada to threaten North Korea, has re-started the Cold War with Russia, has threatened Iraq with taking its oil, slammed the phone down on Australia and accused the British of spying on him through his toaster.
On American media, those strikes in Syria and Afghanistan were greeted with the usual whooping and cheering that you get when the military goes into action.
As Trump seems especially interested in people whooping and cheering for him, it is quite likely that he will continue in this vein.
Meanwhile, Kim Jong-un's regime is thought to be considering another nuclear bomb test.
The last one went 'bang', and they want to know if they can make one that goes 'BANG!!'
This week, North Korea marked the Day of the Sun national holiday, commemorating the birth of the country's founding father Kim Il Sung, who was followed by Kim Jong-il who was followed Menta Lee-il, who is running the country today.
At the celebrations, the North Korean military spokesmodel said: 'Our toughest counteraction against the US and its vassal forces will be taken in such a merciless manner as not to allow the aggressors to survive.'
I think it is probably just the translation into English that makes them sound like puppets from the Thunderbirds.
It looks like it is shaping up to be the war of the two Big Chief Crazy Hairs.
It will be a battle to see who is the least suitable person to run a country and the least appropriate to be on a picture in a barbershop window.