Steve Allen brings you the latest from the newspapers as you wake up.
8 April 2017, 20:52
President Donald Trump suddenly got a conscience about the poor people suffering in Syria.
Is that the same Donald Trump that banned the poor suffering Syrian refugees from salvation in America?
It seems that he doesn't want to actually help any of them - but he is all for firing off some big weapons to make it appear that he does.
This also has the added benefit of making him feel like a man.
Melania is safely in New York, so she hasn't been making him feel manly, so he has go elsewhere to get his ego polished.
For his inauguration, Trump actually asked whether he could have a military parade of rocket launchers and tanks, like a Third World dictator. Or a Russian president.
A confidential email released under transparency laws showed that The Presidential Inauguration Committee requested the Pentagon to - and this is a direct quote - "send us some pictures of military vehicles we could add to the parade".
Trump wanted to vet the vehicles for masculinity. He was looking for something that's longer than it is wide.
Big, thrusting, phallic rockets and guns fit the bill.
It sounds like an advert for erectile dysfunction.
This strike against Syria wouldn't have anything to do with Trump's historically low approval ratings would it?
Even Richard Nixon had better ratings than the Screaming MeMe in his first year in office. In fact, at this point in the presidency, Trump trumps every one of his predecessors for unpopularity. It's unprecedented!
That must drive him nuts. The orange ape must go red in the face watching the TV news when they report that fact. His face is clashing with itself.
And it is Dictator School class 101 that when you want a bump in the ratings, which is all he seems to be interested in, then you start a war or you overreact to a terrorist attack.
I think the terrorist attack scenario will play itself out pretty soon.
There will be some outrage and the President will announce that in order to make everyone safe he'll cut the regulations on privacy, crack down on the media, distort the truth and demonise a small minority of the population for people to direct their anger at.
Oh wait, that's right - he's done that already.
In what many assume is an attempt to plump up his popularity, he sent 59 Tomahawk missiles to save the Syrian people, while at the same time refusing to give shelter to the Syrian people.
And, fact fans, he did it on the 100th anniversary of America entering the 1st World War
Donald's close friends in the Kremlin said they were outraged and very upset and winked so hard they almost swallowed their eyebrows.
The UK government just trailed along behind him like a lap dog.
We had government officials coming out saying that they were fully briefed beforehand and they fully support him.
That may be but, knowing about Trumps unpredictability, would you be surprised if the UK government knew all about it the moment they saw it on CNN and then scurried around trying to make it look like we were on board all along.
What precipitated all this was a gas attack in Syria, in which 70 people died a horrible death.
However, this was after close to half a million Syrians had died in the Syrian war, but we didn't do anything about that.
We didn't send in the rockets and we didn't call for military action and our government spokespeople did not go on TV to rail about it because those half a million people all died a happy, peaceful and legal way, by being shot or blown up, their body parts scattered all over the place, dying slowly in filthy hospitals, screaming in agony.
It seems there's a very few horrible ways to die that we get all superior about and start citing international law and harrumphing that they've gone too far this time.
I don't know if you've ever had your home blown up and everyone you know die all in the same place but I bet that's not too nice either.
But it doesn't get straight to the heart, like pictures of people dying of a gas attack do.
In the end the result is the same - a lot of dead people, but we're only interested in lots of dead people if they died nearby, or they died in a place we might go on holiday, or they were British, or if they died in such a way that it stops us eating while watching the news, while having our dinner.