In the first Sex in the City of 2010, Susan Quilliam joined in the studio and we began with a very emotional call from James who had been the victim of domestic violence at the hand of his girlfriend and found it extremely hard to deal with. Paula told us about the behaviour of her extremely jealous boyfriend. Benjamin told us the story of his girlfriend who he just couldn’t stop loving, 3 years on from their breakup and Polly called to explain how she locates her G spot.
Polly, like Susan was adamant that the G spot does exist despite a study released this week by Kings College in London which suggests that it might not. If you want to hear Susan’s advice on how to locate the illusive ‘G spot’, listen again – CLICK HERE
Every Friday night, just after 11:30pm, Susan offers us her ‘Sex Tip of the Week’. This week as it was the first show of 2010, Susan gave us 5 ‘New Year Sexual Resolutions’…
YOUR SEXUAL NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
Happy New Year everyone… and in this, the first programme of the new decade, we thought we’d offer some resolutions that you might want to take on board. If your sex life is stuttering a bit, these resolutions will help bring it back on track; if your sex life is already amazing, the resolutions will help you make it even more wonderful! Choose one resolution or more depending on how motivated you’re feeling… even, try one a week to get things really boiling by the time Valentine’s Day comes around!
Resolution #1: make time for sex
The average established couple – particularly after they hear the patter of little feet – can end up making love only once a week, and taking a mere ten minutes to do it. That’s no way to keep the passion alive, no way to keep you both enjoying and exploring. It may sound cold-hearted, but you really do need to schedule sex into your week, or risk it disappearing altogether. So get out the diaries, and pencil in at least two hour-long slots every week where you can get together, undisturbed, and make love rather than just having sex. No time? Turn the television off. No energy? Set the alarm clock earlier and do it in the morning. No privacy? If your kids are old enough, put a lock on the door – they can always knock.
Resolution #2: make sure it’s safe
However much you love each other, unless you’re protected or infection free, it’s always going to be risky to have sex. If you’re already using condoms, well done. But this new year might be the time to take the next step and get yourselves tested. Your nearest special clinic (usually to be found at your local hospital) is convenient, confidential and friendly; no one will make you feel embarrassed, the staff are far more likely to give you a round of applause for being responsible enough to get tested. Make the appointment together, after which - so long as you are faithful - you can really relax. (Though don’t forget to use contraception if it’s important not to get pregnant!)
Resolution #3: sort out his erection problem
If he’s not getting an erection then don’t panic. On the other hand, don’t just let the issue slide. It’s not only less fun if he can’t get it up, it may also be a sign of ill health; fading erection that isn’t just a one off may indicate diabetes or heart disease. So first of all, get him along to the doctor for a thorough checkup – which may well sort the whole thing out in just one consultation. If not, then look at what else is happening in his life – stress at work, family issues or, dare we say it, relationship tension. All of these are sortable – read Sleeping with ED by Victoria Lehmann and Mike Kirby (published by National Services for Health Improvement). Alternatively, a little sex therapy with relate (www.relate.co.uk) can make a world of difference!
Resolution #4: find out how she can climax
No reason for her to feel weird or odd if she’s not having orgasms – many women don’t. But it only takes a little effort to discover how she can, and then teach him how to help. The secret for over 70% of women is to major on clitoral stimulation; simple penetration often won’t do it. If she can climax when she masturbates, then adapt her technique – position, movement, rhythm – for intercourse. If she can’t climax when she masturbates, then get her experimenting and exploring (on her own, then with him) to find out how. A great book, if you need extra help, is The Orgasm Guide by Sarah Nasserzadeh (published by Johns Hopkins Press).
Resolution #5: Break the boundaries
However much you love each other, and however much you enjoy sex together, you can get into a rut. There’s always room for something a bit different to shake things up. So brainstorm ideas – new settings, new moves, new positions – and then try one a week for the next few week. Or buy a good sex manual – like Re-energise Your Sex Life by Elizabeth Wilson (published by Infinite Ideas) – and work your way through it. Or surf the web together to find a new sex toy that both of you fancy and order it. Or get a sexy video – let her choose because most vids aimed at men only turn women off – and watch it together! Make 2010 the year you really get the excitement back into the bedroom!
Susan is back with me next Friday at 10pm.
After midnight we spoke to Sally Cornock who founded a website to name and shame those people who use internet dating websites to conduct their promiscuous love lives. She herself got her fingers burnt after she discovered her boyfriend had been dating over 50 other women at the same time as her! Following various disastrous attempts to meet Mr Right online, Sally was motivated to set up the website to empower people, not just women, to check if the person their talking to online is being genuine.
Despite having some reservations about the existence of websites like this, she made a convincing case for its existence and I asked you if you thought it was a good idea. Susan also shared some very useful tips if you are intent on finding love online in the New Year.
To take a look at Sally’s website, CLICK HERE
Finally we talked about the new Government campaign set up to help young people talk more openly about sexually transmitted infections. I was joined by Dr Catherine Hood who told us about the campaign and why it is so important. Also Adam Child, winner of T4’s Shipwrecked, who has himself been diagnosed with Chlamydia twice, told us his story and how it has changed his attitudes towards safe sex.
To read more about the ‘Sex - Worth talking about campaign’ – CLICK HERE
Sex in the City will be back next Friday night from 10pm. To email me in the meantime, the address you need is Jim@lbc.co.uk
Have a great weekend,
Jim
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