Sex in the City, monogamy and Sexy Valentine's gifts

On another show packed full of your amazing stories, on this week on Sex in the City, Susan and I spoke to David who hasn’t had sex for 10 years. Colin hadn’t even had an orgasm for 30 years! Helen told us the story of her husband who had cheated on her after 8 years together and John explained that his girlfriend, who is 20 years younger than him, wants a baby and he doesn’t. He was bewildered as to why she might be serving him with an ultimatum, even though he had generously offered to buy her a dog!
 
To hear any or all of tonight’s show again – CLICK HERE
 
Susan’s Sex Tip of the Week this week provided us with some sexy ideas for Valentines gifts for those with some money to spend, those on a budget and those who know that the best things in life are free…
 
A SEXY VALENTINE’S DAY… FOR ALL BUDGETS
 
Yes, you noticed – Sunday is The Day. And so we’re all geared up for a erotic weekend, climaxing – so to speak – on Sunday evening with a sex-fest!
 
Problem is, in these credit-crunched days, we may not have the cash we had in previous years, and that may cramp our style. But it needn’t. This week’s Sex Tip explains how, whatever your budget, you can have an erotic time. Read on for the High-Cost… Low-Cost… and No-Cost options for celebrating Lurv this weekend.
 
High Cost…
So money isn’t a problem and you can really splash out? Get straight on the Internet – right now – and book yourselves a top range hotel room (abroad if you can extend the weekend, if not at a luxury country inn) for the weekend. New research suggests that getting away from it all really does get the juices flowing, because we don’t have to fret about day-to-day worries.
 
Ahead of time, get the staff to set the scene, with champagne waiting (a little alcohol does help performance), chocolates and roses (which both stimulate the brain hormone that makes us feel in love.) When you arrive, get naked asap,  then hop into the jacuzzi bath (you have booked the Jacuzzi room, haven’t you?), and take turns to sit on the jets to get your naughty bits going. 
 
Then produce the presents you’ve bought for each other. If you’re really flush, you’ve probably splashed out on a gold plated cock ring for him, or a diamond encrusted vibrator for her – though actually, any versions of those will do, however little they cost; it’s what you do with them that counts
 
Then thank each other for your mutual generosity – in the obvious way. Get the butler (of course you’ll have a butler) to light a fire in front of which you can make long languorous love. Get that diamond encrusted vibrator going.  And, of course, if the luxury hotel room has a four poster bed, find positions that involve one of you spread-eagled and hanging on to the posts while the other rides them to climax. 
 
Low Cost
What if you can afford a treat – but not the de luxe version? You’ll have to lose the weekend away, but add an extra boost to your Valentine’s Day celebrations. Of course you’ll go to a restaurant on either Saturday or Sunday night – so don’t forget to order the oysters -  but why not first have an erotic adventure?  Find a burlesque club to go to – he’ll love it and she’ll find the tasteful stripping an inspiration for what to do later that night...
 
Back home, change into the new sexy undies that you’ve bought each other earlier in the weekend. He in particular will appreciate that as he’s aroused by the visuals, but he shouldn’t forget that she too likes to see him nicely ‘wrapped’. 
 
Buy ahead of time a few dirty films (let her choose – his tastes may well turn her off) and let that get you going. Or read aloud from a book of erotic short stories (most sex shops will sell them, often by the till). Then let passion take over, maybe doing in real life what the actors are doing on the screen or on the page.  
 
As you get going, for extra excitement invest in a bottle of liquor – something with a slight kick, like brandy - but not just to drink. Keep a little in your mouth then let her suck his penis, him lick her clitoris for tingling oral sex – or even better, a little 69, with both of you giving and receiving.
 
 Now’s the time to experiment a bit – you may even have bought each other a sex manual for Valentine’s Day. Why not each choose a favourite position that you’ve never tried before, and indulge each other?. 
 
No Cost
Yes, it is possible to have an erotic Valentine’s Day without spending any extra money at all. After all, sex itself is absolutely free – and the scene setting can be worked by simply doing what you’d normally do, but making it sexy.
 
So start your evening (or your day) with a romantic walk in the park, or by the river. Hold hands, or arms round each other’s waists, and while you walk tell each other the story of how you met, and how wonderful that was. (If the walk route is very deserted, you can also swap experiences of the first time you slept together.)
 
On the way back home, go mad and go on the swings and roundabouts of a children’s playground – get totally overexcited and then play chase and catch; nothing is more guaranteed to get you going than fighting. 
 
Back home, yes, you will have to pay out for a meal – but then you would have had to anyway. So buy your favourite meal. Or buy fish and chips and eat it out of the newspaper. Buy strawberries, dip each one in cream then feed each other. Or, buy  chocolate – and then melt it gently in a pan over the stove and use it to smear over – and lick off. 
 
Which will lead you happily into a totally free – and very erotic – piece of foreplay, the sexual massage. Spread your softest towel on the floor or bed, reach for any oil you have handy (mix a little perfume in if it’s cooking oil), and get going. Hands on back, legs, arms, genitals… smear oil all over your front then slither over your loved one’s back. If you haven’t got any oil handy, you can do the same with soapsuds.
 
After that, if you haven’t got a sex toy handy, improvise. An electric toothbrush with a new head can double as a vibrator. A vegetable with a condom over (for hygiene’s sake) can double as a dildo. As a special treat, set the timer and give each other one way oral sex  for half an hour each way. Bliss.
 
And as a climax, make love as you spin each other fantasies, whispering in the  most explicit terms just exactly what you love to do to each other, or about the best sex you’ve ever had. 
 
Then, do it and keep doing it… all night long. And none of this has cost you a penny! 
 
Susan is back with me next Friday at 10pm.
 
On Valentine’s weekend, monogamy may seem an odd subject to discuss. Love will be everywhere this weekend with every shop front displaying heart and flowers to tempt love-struck shoppers to part with their cash in time for Sunday. Restaurants across the country will be setting our tables for two and men will be struggling to write something tender in a card they’ve just grabbed from the petrol station!
 
However, the question I asked on the show after midnight was simply ‘Can men ever stay monogamous? The simple answer is yes, of course they can, but you’ll forgive me for asking the question. The subject is very much on my mind after recent high profile revelations about Tiger Woods, John Terry and this week the squeaky clean Vernon Kay, it does make you wonder why us blokes continue to perpetuate the stereotype of guys who think with their penis instead of their brain! These guys are media savvy, they live their lives in the full glare of the public eye. Arguably they have even more to lose than most of us and yet a pretty woman tempts them off the straight and narrow and they behave like dogs on heat!
 
It is true that men’s primeval instinct is to spread their seed. For the good of the species we were created this way to continuously seek out chances to procreate at any given opportunity. This is programmed into our very DNA. There is evidence to say that we are even subconsciously attracted to people who would make the best DNA match! Nevertheless, we’ve had years of social conditioning to accept monogamy as the acceptable way to live our lives. Making a commitment to someone and sticking to it is the way we are expected to behave. So who’s right, nature or nurture?
 
It is almost unheard of within the animal kingdom for a pair of creatures to mate for life. Males may exhibit ‘serial monogamy’ and enter into an exclusive relationship throughout one defined mating season but they will move on given time to the next female.
 
Perhaps we could visit other cultures and their solution to this problem. Why not allow men to create a harem of women at their beck and call? It might eliminate the ‘love them and leave them’ attitude of some men if they were allowed to marry several women and mate with whichever one he felt like having. Not very palatable in this day and age, is it?
 
Women are not guilt free in the indiscretion stakes. They too can stray from the path of monogamy but it is less common in my experience. On the eve of Valentine’s Day which is (so we’re told) the most romantic time of the year, there will be couples everywhere showing their love to each other with gifts, flowers and candlelit dinners. Not all of them however will be telling the truth to their other halves about their feelings. I would always urge those in a monogamous relationship to respect those boundaries for the sake of your partner. If you can’t do that, then at least have the courage to be honest with your other half and let them make an informed decision about the future of your relationship.
 
Finally, with just a few hours to go before the big day, I turned to gold medal winning florist Sarah Horne to provide us with some valuable advice on what blooms to buy to guarantee that our Valentines gift will get the desired result and not end up getting thrown back in our faces!
 
Sex in the City will be back next Friday night from 10pm.
Have a wonderful Valentine’s weekend,
Jim
x 
 
Want to give your partner an extra special sexy treat this Valentine’s? Check out Jim’s range of Audiobooks designed to add some spice to your love life!
 
Five Steps To – Driving Her Wild in Bed
Five Steps To – Driving Him Wild in Bed
 
Also available:
Five Steps To – Successful Dating
Five Steps To – Getting the Job you want
Five Steps To – Successful Weight Loss
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