During this week’s ‘Sex in the City’ we spoke to Laura who has suffered 4 years of terrible sex with her husband since losing her virginity to him and is now at a point of walking away from the marriage altogether. Geoff was paranoid about sex with his wife during her pregnancy and now, post birth, he was worried about what he had experienced during the birth proceedings and how they made him feel after what he saw. Lili has been married for 20 years but the appearance of her ex boyfriend has left her extremely confused about what to do next. Finally john called to explain that despite loving his fiancée very much, she was losing the momentum in their relationship, primarily because they live 12,000 miles apart… & that is just the tip of tonight’s iceberg!
To listen to all or part of tonight’s show again – CLICK HERE
Following last week’s tip for the girls, this week Susan describes some techniques that can help guys last even longer, before the inevitable claimax…!
HAVE A ‘LAST FOR EVER’ ERECTION
Last week we wondered whether she could have a ‘no hands’ orgasm. This week it’s his turn! This week, we’re wondering whether a man can go on and on (and on) for hours without climaxing? And if so, can you do it? Once again, the answer is yes, yes, yes!
Here’s the deal.
- First, consider having one climax - either by yourself or by letting your partner help you – before you have intercourse. Sure, this won’t work if you’re a ‘one time’ man. But the way male physiology works, climaxing once will hold you back from climaxing again.
- Make a shift in the way you approach sex. Instead of urging yourself on and going for your orgasm whatever, concentrate on the here-and-now sensation, what you’re feeling in your body. That’s not just in your genitals, but all over – from the top of your head to the tip of your toes. Focusing on sensation rather than trying to achieve climax will not only slow you down – it’ll also make the journey that much more enjoyable.
- Experiment with sex moves to find out which ones hold you back. Usually, this means going more slowly and making your thrusts more shallow. But there may be a particular move that regularly tips you over the edge – perhaps grinding as you enter. Or there may be a particular something your partner does that gets you to climax – perhaps a way of clenching her vaginal muscles. It’s not rocket science, but only use those moves that hold you back – and avoid the ones that drive you forward.
- Stop and start. So thrust until you’re on the point of coming… then stop and let your erection subside… then thrust again… then stop again. This might take some practice – it’s such a temptation to simply go for it – but will not only delay your orgasm when you’re making love, but will also give you a stronger climax when it happens.
- Neat trick number one. Use your pc muscles (they’re the ones that you use to stop the flow when you’re urinating) when you’re approaching orgasm. Pulling up then holding that ‘pull’ can put your orgasm reflex on hold.
- Neat trick number two - squeeze. You (or your partner) hold with two fingers and thumb just below the head of your penis, then press. That’ll automatically reduce your erection and hold your climax back.
- Finally, if rather than wanting to last even longer, you feel you come very quickly, then over a number of weeks, practice noticing what the signals are that happen well *before* you climax. Once you’ve noticed those, you’ll find it much easier to alter your movements at that point and hold back. If you find it difficult to make that alteration, you may need to get the help of a sex therapist. Relate (www.relate.org.uk) or the British Association of Relationships and Sexuality (www.basrt.org.uk) can help
PS: don’t even think of using one of those anaethetising gels; they may work short-term but they won’t help you learn to keep going. Plus if you don’t use the gel *inside* a condom, it’ll anaethetise her too. So she’ll be left wondering what all the fuss is about...
To visit the Sex Tips Archive – CLICK HERE
After midnight I was joined by a counsellor and therapist with over 25 years of experience dealing with couples from every background who have encountered difficulties in their relationship. Julia Cole has recently taken the 'Relate' book 'After the Affair' and revised it for a world full of new technology and ways of communicating.
I've dealt many times on the show with the impact of social networking on our love lives. At its best, websites like 'Friends Reunited' and 'Facebook' have brought old friends and lovers back together again after years in the wilderness and created new and happy times for those concerned. Inevitably however, there will be a degree of 'collateral damage' in these kinds of situations as not all of us are footloose and fancy free!
A great many seemingly happy marriages have crumbled following a curious wander into your past and the re-ignition of old flames. It is important to note however, as Julia does in the book, that the affair that follows is not the cause of the problems but simply the latest symptom, likely to be one of a chain of events. Why on earth would a person who is blissfully happy with their current partner be looking for information about and old flame in the first place? Let alone someone who is out there searching for a total stranger to stray with.
I found Julia's book to be a fascinating look into all of our lives. However, as (without question) all of the circumstances that lead a couple's relationship to break down and for one or both to cheat are entirely individual to them, it always leaves the question, 'Can you survive an affair'?
I was surprised to hear from Julia that in her experience 2/3s of couples can and do. In fact many claim that it identified the underlying problems they were having and allowed them to rebuild their relationship even stronger than before. That is however a statistic taken from those who bother to seek counselling in the first place. A great many relationships collapse under the strain of an affair and they never even try to stay together.
As always, it was your stories and experiences that demonstrate all these points and many more besides.
'After The Affair' is out now. For more information, CLICK HERE
To listen again to tonight’s show – CLICK HERE
Susan and I will be back next Friday night at 10pm. Do join us then if you can.
Jim
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