Should I Have An Affair?
The answer to this question is almost always no! Of course some people have perfectly happy affairs that continue for years without any backlash. But normally, an affair causes far more problems than it solves, and the most sensible route is to walk away...
BUT our minds, our hearts - and other parts of our anatomy - aren't sensible! Here are some of the arguments they'll try to use to convince us to stray.
"It's a one off, my partner will never know."
Problem is, it's tricky to keep an affair a secret. And even if your
partner never knows, you will - and the guilt could well impact on your
relationship. For the rest of your life you'll be living a lie.
"I'm so unhappy in my relationship that I need this affair in order to stay."
If you're that unhappy, should you be staying in your relationship
at all? It could be far better to face the fact that your relationship
is failing, and take action to sort out the problems - or walk away.
"I feel so bad about myself that I need the boost of an affair"
A total lack of confidence often stems from your upbringing - the
excitement of an affair will make you feel good short term, but it
won't solve the deeper problem. You need to build your confidence
through getting support from friends and family, or going to
counselling - once you feel better about yourself, you'll be far less
likely to need the boost of an affair.
"My partner and I have agreed to have an open relationship"
If you really have agreed then fine. But, do be sure that one of you
isn't agreeing to affairs because they fear that if they don't, the
other will leave. We find that many so-called open relationships are
only really agreed to by one partner.
"My lover and I are so compatible - I know s/he will make me happy in a way my spouse doesn't."
In which case, end your marriage, then start the affair. Doing it the other way round means that things will get much, much messier. You will get blamed for everything - and your children in particular may get much more hurt than if you made a clean break.
Plus, in fact, an affair won't necessarily lead on to a happy relationship. Even the most romantic fling eventually becomes 'normal' and you will hit the problems that you hit in your first relationship - boredom, disagreements, conflict. At which point, you'll be back at square one, and having to decide whether to have yet another affair.