A rat was killed in television Hell as part of a family entertainment programme called “I’m Not Getting Much Press Lately, Can You, As My Agent, Please Get Me In There”. A celebrity chef and a celebrity actor who’s names escape me as I have never heard of them, extinguished the animal and with it, its hopes and dreams for the future. It had planned to settle down with a variety of rodent lady friends and have some kids, about a couple of hundred sounds right, but these plans came to nought as it was subject to a frenzied attack and then tossed on to the barbie. The Australian authorities have fined ITV and it is most contrite. As part of its rehabilitation, it is giving a home to a rodent and providing him with his own TV show and his guest this week was the Dour Leader.
The P.M. had previously explained that he doesn’t talk about or parade his family for the media because they are not props. To underline his sincerity on this issue, he prostrated himself in front of his close personal friend Piers Morgan and talked about his family while the cameras cut to his wife who he had brought with him. He has often made it clear that he hates the showbiz nature of politics these days and the sort of touchy-feely personal interviews that his predecessor had down pat. To ensure that no-one doubted his word, he submitted to a prime time chat show exchange designed to show off his range of emotions and make him appear as just your ordinary, average human being like creature, and not the dark, mouth breathing, destructive, furious over-lord that gave Luke Skywalker such a hard time in the Star Wars movies.
He did this simply to allow us to get to know him better. It is his little gift to us, which is in no way connected to the forthcoming general election that, according to the polls, he has as much hope of winning as a rats chance in Hell.