My brother was the happiest he had ever been, days later he took his own life

For me, hearing my brother Josh tell us all that he was ‘the happiest he’d ever been’ brought a momentary sense of relief during an incredibly difficult period of worry.

Unfortunately, what appeared to be a sign of recovery turned out to be a warning of his intention to take his own life. Throughout the duration in which he was conveying his happiness to all of us, he was simultaneously searching the internet for ways to take his own life, something that users on online forums and social media were all too happy to help him with, providing methods, pain scores and encouragement to do so.

In a moment of grief, it is all too easy to contemplate whether we missed any signs, but the harsh reality of suicide remains that many of the warnings during a period of crisis often mask the reality of a person’s pain. For Josh, his miraculous happiness was not the first sign of his mental health issues, but it was the last definitive indication that he was seeking to kill himself.

Some people who have taken their own lives are also observed to have conducted quiet housekeeping, paying off debts, conducting life admin and returning borrowed items. It may appear as if they have finally turned a corner and are making efforts to get their lives back in order, but it can often be the behaviour of somebody who is getting affairs in order before they take their own lives. Similarly, a person may start to give possessions away, a sign that can be explained as somebody conducting a clear-out and refreshing their lives, but it’s important to keep in mind that this could be an indication of relieving themselves of possessions ahead of taking their own lives.

Appearance is also a key component to keep an eye on, especially if somebody has experienced issues surrounding their looks or body. A person who was meticulous about their hair or clothing but no longer takes pride in themselves is a definite signal that something is wrong. For some, it indicates that they have decided to take their own lives, and subsequently their appearance is no longer a concern to them.

Everyone is different, but it’s important to note that you cannot plant the seed of suicide in someone’s head by talking to them. For a person in crisis, having a friend or loved one to talk to is the most important thing in the world. If you think someone you know is in crisis, it’s important you talk to them and reassure them that you are there for them.

Nobody wants to talk about suicide, but it’s important we do, and crucially, it could save a life.

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Alice Hendy MBE is the CEO and Founder of Ripple Suicide Prevention Charity.

For more information on Ripple Suicide Prevention Charity, please visit here.

If you’ve been affected by the themes in this piece, you can call Samaritans on 116 123.

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