Caring shaped my life. It should shape our politics too, writes Ed Davey

When my dad died, I was just four years old. My mum was left to raise me and my two brothers on her own. She did an extraordinary job, but when I was twelve she became terminally ill. Alongside my family, I nursed her until she died when I was fifteen. Back then, the word “young carer” wasn’t in common use, but that is what I was.

After my mum died, I became very close to my grandmother. She helped look after me, and in time I cared for her as she grew older. We had a wonderful relationship. During my university years, I would drive up to visit her in the little Ford Fiesta I had inherited from my granddad. I liked to play tricks on her, ringing just a few miles from her house to say I was stuck in traffic, only to arrive minutes later to surprise her. One day, when I really was late, she decided to turn the tables and hid in a cupboard to surprise me. By the time I arrived two hours later, she was very cross. Moments like that showed the closeness we shared, and caring for her gave me precious time with her.

Now, with my wife Emily, I am a parent to two wonderful children. My eldest, John, is 17 and profoundly disabled. His condition is undiagnosed, but it affects his ability to walk, talk and communicate. He has learning disabilities and needs round-the-clock care. Caring is part of my daily life, as it has been for decades.

My experience is far from unique. Millions of people across Britain are carers, often without even realising it. Yet caring is something we still do not talk about enough, and something politicians rarely acknowledge.

When debates arise about the NHS and social care, we hear endless talk about money, structures and bureaucracy. But the conversation almost never includes the millions of family carers who already provide vital support every day. That is why so often our health and care debates miss the mark.

If carers were given just a little more help, not vast sums or major reforms but practical support, they could continue providing care for longer and better. That would ease pressure on the NHS, strengthen families and communities, and make ours a happier society.

Through my book Why I Care: And Why Care Matters, I told not just my own story but those of other carers: young people looking after parents and siblings, older people caring for partners with dementia, families raising disabled children. The struggles are immense, from loneliness and exhaustion to financial strain. And yet with a bit more recognition and support, their lives could be so much better.

Of course, caring is hard. It can be isolating and physically demanding. You deal with the most intimate and challenging tasks: feeding, dressing, helping with the toilet. No one pretends it is easy.

But caring also brings moments of extraordinary closeness and joy. When my mum was dying of cancer, we would lie together on her bed watching TV, creating special memories despite the sadness. I shared warmth and fun with my grandmother every time I visited her. And with my son, John, I have a brilliant bond. We play with his toys, his “Naughty Parrot” and a stuffed cow we call “Mooie,” and share joy every day.

That is why I speak of building a caring society. Caring is tough, but it can also be beautiful. It shapes relationships in ways that last a lifetime. If we can find the will to support carers properly, we will not only ease the strain on our health system but also make Britain a better place to live.

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Ed Davey is leader of the Liberal Democrats.

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