‘He made it feel we were at fault’: Children of Church’s most prolific abuser tell of shame and suffering

John Smyth is thought to have abused more than 100 children and young men in his lifetime, but a report last year found his actions were covered up within the Church of England for years.

In the late 1970s and early 1980s, the barrister and Christian camp leader subjected about 130 boys and young men to extreme physical and sexual abuse under the guise of spiritual discipline.

A damning review in 2024 found the former Archbishop Justin Welby "could and should" have done more to bring Smyth to justice, which the former archbishop said he feels a "deep sense of personal failure" over.

PJ Smyth and Fiona Rugg spoke to LBC's Shelagh Fogarty about the shame they felt by being related to him.

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The family will feature in a new Channel 4 documentary airing tonight at 9pm called 'See No Evil'.

PJ Smyth said they participated in the documentary to "shed a sense of shame as a family".

"You either hunker down or stay small or you bring it all into the light and trust that others will accept and affirm".

Ms Rugg recounted that even though she knew she "wasn't to blame" she still felt a sense of guilt and shame.

She added it felt like a "guilty secret".

"The shame grows if you don't admit your association. Shame is a funny thing because you can't talk yourself out of it.

"You know in your head I knew 'I didn't do anything', I knew I wasn't to blame and yet you still feel this actual guilt and shame."

She added that as the child a narcissistic parent, she would be made to think she was the "disloyal one" or a "bad daughter".

PJ explained how he was physically abused by his father between the age of 7 to 11 in a shed at their home in Hampshire.

He recounted that at the time he could not "make sense" of what was happening.

He explained: "The only way I could coexist with dad for decades was not to see him clearly.

He added that was "denial or deferral".

"Someone assed me recently 'Why didn't you connect the dots sooner, but we were the dots."

Ms Rugg also went on to say she believes their mum was Smyth's first victim.

He said they met at a young ago and that she was controlled and bullied by Smyth.

PJ added: "He picked her very carefully," adding that Smyth was a "dominant" personality.

'Dawning of the light'

PJ added it's been a "slow burn" to admit who his father was.

"It's been a very hard journey coming out of denial into reality."

Fiona added: "Similarly, I would describe it as a dawning of the light. You see things differently as more comes to light."

She went on: "It was a terrible burden to hear graphically, and see and hear, the descriptions from victims to extent of the abuse."

"It never gets less horrifying", she added.

PJ added it was Smyth's "superpower" to manipulate.

"He literally tattooed that into my soul.

"Even into my 40s I couldn't measure who my Father was."

Smyth's abuse, detailed in the independent Makin Review published just over a year ago, spanned five decades in three different countries and involved as many as 130 boys and young men in the UK and Africa.

He died aged 77 in Cape Town in 2018 while under investigation by Hampshire Police, and so was "never brought to justice for the abuse", the review said.