Fines for men going topless in French towns? Bonne idée!
A series of French seaside resorts have introduced fines for people going topless in the summer heat. James Ford argues that this is an idea we should urgently import.
I don’t say this very often, but I think the French are on to something.
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Several French seaside towns - Deauville, La Grande-Motte, Sables d'Olonne and Narbonne - have introduced €150 (£130) fines for men who go topless in the summer heat.
And, arguably, men are getting away lightly. Under the French penal code, women who go topless anywhere other than a beach face prosecution for ‘sexual exhibitionism’, which carries a fine of €15,000 and possible imprisonment. Zut alors!
I think we should import this brilliant idea to the UK tout de suite.
Certainly Britain may be lacking a Côte d’Azur of its own, but - in the summertime (or even just on a mildly less inclement day) - I have never noticed a shortage of men willing to shed their shirt and proudly go bare-chested (no matter how little reason they may have for being proud!) From Weston-Super-Mare to Whitby, Tenby to Torquay and from Brighton to Broadstairs, British men need little excuse to get their top off.
In fact, I will go further than merely agreeing with this bold French innovation. Firstly, there should be an extra tax for men who are ‘topless-whilst-sunburnt’. The only thing worse than topless chaps waddling up and down a seafront is seeing them proudly brandishing their disregard for melanoma with skin that is a lustrous tomato red. The extra tax should be based on the degree to which you are sunburnt. A fiver if you are mildly pink and double the tax for full lobster. Given how excessively grilled some blokes like to get, this could be a nice little earner. (And it would help to fight skin cancer, too, of course!)
Secondly, let’s hypothecate the revenue raised so it is spent where it is raised. Britain’s seaside resorts are frequently amongst the most deprived neighbourhoods in the country. And, dare I say it, the towns with the highest concentrations of topless holidaymakers are probably more likely to be deprived than the more charming, genteel ones where the visitors keep their shirts on. Topless tourists are, let’s be honest, more of a Blackpool problem than a Bognor problem.
Who knows how many piers could be repainted, how many bandstands could be rebuilt or how many lidos brought back into use through these fines. Seaside towns that manage to coin in revenue from a ‘topless tax’ could even label the local projects that benefited: “Funded by Terry’s stag do, 2027”
This is infinitely preferable to the proposed tourist taxes that many local councils are currently mulling. Why punish people with more expensive hotel rooms when you can just fine unsightly shirtless tourists directly?
So, my fellow Rosbifs, why don’t we all shout “vivent les topless”! Let’s all sip another Pimms and lemonade in a well-appointed deckchair and watch while those urgent repairs to the sea defences effectively pay for themselves!
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James Ford is a political columnist for City AM and a former adviser to Boris Johnson during his time as Mayor of London.
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