In defence of ultra-processed food

I love Pringles. My favourite flavour is salt and vinegar, but sometimes I have the ready salted ones with a pre-made dip.

I eat lots of Haribo too. I particularly like the milk bottles you get in the Supermix bag.

And don’t get me started on Cadbury Fudge. I’m convinced I could eat 100 of those without feeling sick.

What I’m trying to say is: I love ultra-processed food. I always have done. I’m eating a shop-bought gingerbread biscuit as I write this. It’s got icing and sweets on top and it's shaped like a snowman. It's glorious.

I get lots of joy out of food, particularly meals made by other people. It saves on washing up and always tastes better than my own!

But, judging by every news article I read, this food is killing me. It's going to give me cancer, diabetes and depression. That's what a group of experts wrote in the Lancet academic journal this week. They've urged governments around the world to tackle the issue.

I'm not questioning the science, but I do find it rather depressing to see these bods try and drain more joy from my life.

I know what I'm eating is bad for me. I don't care. I'll go for a run tomorrow to burn it off. I'm old enough to make informed decisions about my diet.

The reason most of these foods are bad for you is an ingredient called MSG - it's a highly addictive flavour enhancer. I love it! I'm considering buying a jar to sprinkle on my porridge because it makes all food taste nicer.

There’s an app called Yuka - it scans barcodes and tells you whether your snack has good or bad ingredients. People are obsessed with it. So many people have recommended it to me that it feels like some sort of Truman Show style advert.

But I don’t need a fancy gizmo to tell me that my bag of chocolate buttons is bad for me. I’d rather stuff my face and deal with the consequences.

I may live to regret this in 40 years, but I'm going to carry on shoving ultra-processed crap in my gob. The food noise is too loud to ignore.

Unless you want to live a miserable life, you should carry on eating what you want. Let's try not to suck all the joy out of life.

LBC Opinion provides a platform for diverse opinions on current affairs and matters of public interest.

The views expressed are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official LBC position.

To contact us email opinion@lbc.co.uk