Men are caught between two harmful stereotypes
I don’t think it would be a wannabe-macho thing to say that in another 20 years, I hope to have got better at DIY, finally shown some progress in the gym, and proved myself as a good husband.
Confused as to what it means to be a man? Unsure how to act or fit in? Well, don’t worry about any perception of ever-changing boundaries, because - according to a Samaritans study - things really have not moved on at all.
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One in ten blokes the charity spoke to admitted faking an interest in a sport; nearly half said they exaggerate how much they drink; while two-thirds might take up singing, painting, dancing, or some other non-macho sport if they could be free of social judgement.
Nuts and Zoo magazines might have been out of print for a decade but, if you’re looking to fit in, you might as well dust down your 2005 Haynes Manual of Masculinity.
If you’re short of time, because of all the louting, oggling and bantering you’re (still) expected to participate in, here’s the abridged ticklist for how to be a man:
- Get on the beers, son! Forget reports of a rise in non-alcoholic drinks, you drink enough to keep a pub afloat by yourself (or at least you say you do),
- Keep a close eye on football, memorise the Premier League table, ask pals if they “saw the game last night”. If that’s too much work, just remember some stock phrases, (“they’re lacking something in the final third… gotta ask questions of the manager,”)
- Watch Top Gear, preferably episodes when Jeremy Clarkson was still on air,
- Go to the gym. No, don’t just go, hit the gym. Crush the gym. Remember, you are able to do 50 press ups. If asked to demonstrate, you can’t because you have an injury due to working out too much,
- Listen to The Fratellis’ Chelsea Dagger (just the “doo doo doo” bit is enough),
- Don’t say you’re struggling. Don’t take up a creative hobby. And, most importantly, do not cry!
Despite (or because of) all of Prince Harry’s advocating against stiff-upper lip culture, men are clearly still negatively affected by outdated stereotypes of how they should behave.
Samaritans, rightly, released the study with the point that men do not have to behave like one of the lads seen on a stag do in Gavin and Stacey.
But, on International Men’s Day, I think it’s worth saying that men shouldn’t have to worry about ticking any number of items off the above list. I personally hit three or four of the six, but don’t think that should make me only 50 per cent of a bloke, nor pass as a semi-committed attempt to blend in.
I’ve recently called out the term “performative male” as being reductive, yet equally a guy shouldn’t be made to feel like a try-hard for enjoying football and Sally Rooney novels.
Being a “good” man could be judged rather on whether you’re a reliable friend, a strong partner, a hard worker, and someone who tries - even at things we might suck at.
I don’t think it would be a wannabe macho thing to say that in another 20 years, I hope to have got better at DIY, finally shown some progress in the gym, and proved myself as a good husband.
But, by then, I also hope that conversations between guys have generally got deeper, even at surface level, and that no man would feel the need to brush up on football gossip in order to chat with me or anyone else.
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William Mata is a writer and SEO editor for LBC.
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