'Showing emotion isn't weakness, it’s strength': Jake Quickenden opens up about dealing with grief over festive period

28 December 2022, 10:26 | Updated: 28 December 2022, 12:55

Jake Quickenden has opened up about his personal experience dealing with grief and how it impacted him during the festive period.

Reality TV star Jake Quickenden lost his dad when he was 20 before going on to lose his 19-year-old brother three and a half years later.

"I look back on it being the hardest few years of my life after losing them, not knowing how to navigate grief and not knowing there was any help out there," he tells LBC.

"I didn't want to be a burden - obviously my mum was going through grief as well and listening to her cry in bed every single night I didn’t want to then get up in the morning and tell my her how I felt. I was trying to be strong for my mum."

The festive period was particularly hard for the I'm A Celeb runner-up, after he "shut off from Christmas for a few years and didn’t really enjoy it at all".

"In the past, I shut off a lot and didn't want to deal with or think about it," he said.

"It was quite a sad moment at my house, but now I look back at my memories that my dad gave us as kids and memores that I've got with my little brother over Christmas and try and be happy about those memories rather than sad.

"That’s something that’ll never die – their memory."

Read more: Lonely at Christmas: Why millions suffer alone in the festive period and how you can help

The former X Factor star soon realised that opening up was the one thing that would help him deal with the grief.

"Talking to my mum made us both heal in a way. We both got our emotions out and we spoke about sad times and happy times and it helped with our grief," he explained.

"The grief is still there now even 15 years on….I hear a song and it makes me upset but there's ways that I deal with it now and there's coping mechanisms that I've found that help me as a person like going to the gym.

"But then now I'm not afraid to talk about it. I don’t feel like a burden, I don’t feel the guilt of talking about it. It makes me happy talking about my dad and my brother now.

"I hate the word man-up but I feel that that’s how I tried to be. I tried to be strong and a lot of young men try and do that these days.

"They think that’s what shows strength – not showing your emotion - but for me it’s the total opposite.

"I showed strength by opening up, by me talking about it opens up the conversation for someone else, and it can help other people.

"I feel like especially young men need to realise that opening up about your feelings and showing emotions is not a weakness it’s a strength."

Quickenden has since used his platform to build awareness around grief, having been in the public eye for 10 years.

He joined Coleen Nolan and Ashley Banjo for The Fully Monty on Ice back in 2020 to draw attention to the importance of checking your body for cancer.

And he has now collaborated with Coleen once again for her podcast, Let’s Talk About Grief.

"I feel like I'd be wasting that platform if I didn't use it for good in certain ways and especially for things that I've been through myself.

"So I try and talk a lot about my anxiety on my Instagram and my grief and I wanted to go out there and help other people.

"It’s something I've always enjoyed doing."

Since opening up more about his experience with grief, Quickenden says he has learnt to "embrace" his own life a lot more.

"I know that time isn’t certain and it’s valuable…it makes me just want to have more fun and make more memories with my own family," he said.

The Dancing on Ice winner still manages to find a way to remember his loved ones too.

"I have a bit of a quiet moment to myself in the morning, where I still speak to my dad and my brother, say what I’ve got to say, tell them I miss them, and then I make memories with my own family," he said.

For others struggling with grief at Christmas, Quickenden explained that opening up is key.

"Surround yourself with people that you really love and care for," he said.

"Don’t ever feel like a burden or guilty for opening up and talking about your grief because people will listen and people who love you will try and help.

"But there is also help out there if you need to go to charities such as Cruse.

"Sometimes you don’t want to chat to someone you know but just reflect and have a moment to yourself and know that it doesn’t get easier but you find more ways to deal with it."

How to cope with grief over the festive period*

*according to grief charity Cruse

Find ways to lost loved ones

This can be as simple as ‘speaking’ to the person, visiting their grave, or a place that was special to them.

Accept that others grieve differently

Family members may have different ideas about how to grieve, potentially leading to arguments.

Try to be sensitive to others’ needs, and talk openly together about what will be best for you all.

Maintain routine

Try to keep regular sleeping and eating patterns where possible.

Seeing friends and family - or volunteering for the big day - are all small things that can help.

Look after yourself

Avoid turning to drinking alcohol or recreational drugs for temporary relief.

Get support.

Take a break from Christmas films and TV

It can be difficult being surrounded by happy images of families celebrating the holidays.

Taking a break from from films, TV and social media in favour of getting fresh air may help.

Talk to someone

You can call the Cruse Helpline on 0808 808 1677 - opening hours.

Or you can message a grief counsellor using our CruseChat service.

Listen to Jake Quickenden on Coleen Nolan's Let’s Talk About Grief.