Playing music aloud on public transport makes travel a nightmare - and I’m close to admitting defeat
23 June 2025, 08:52
We are close to losing the battle over intrusive phone use, warns Shelagh Fogarty.
Listen to this article
Loading audio...
I was due to take a two hour train journey on Saturday, only to be thwarted by ‘signal failures’ on the West Coast Mainline.
Guess which signal never fails? People’s phone signals, that’s what. Pick a train, any train, and you’ll hear the fruits of those unbreakable 5G wireless connections - from blissful toddlers enjoying loud cartoon action to fully grown adults unaware a carriage load of people can hear their argument with their girlfriend, or the young posh woman bemoaning her father for not moving her stuff into storage because “Daddyyyyy, I’m on my period!”.
I’m a determined woman but I’m close to admitting defeat over intrusive phone use in public. It is without a shadow of doubt sociopathic behaviour but the majority of the public are too chicken or weary to demand better. I am neither chicken nor weary but I fear the war is lost.
I often ask offenders - yes offenders - to use headphones or put the phone to their ear instead of loudspeaker. People react in one of two ways. The gormlessly unaware look like I’ve just informed them the train is on fire. The arrogant type actively takes me on. As comedian Harry Hill would say “FIGHT!”. I’ve had a few in my time.
There’s the young Dad with his beautiful three-year-old plonked in front of an iPad playing loud songs for all of us to enjoy. You know the ones. ‘The wheels on the bus stick a fork in your eye, fork in your eye, fork in your eye….’. Prompted by advice from an LBC listener I decided to conduct a little social experiment and played several Beatles songs one after another at equally high volume. I felt queasy doing it, unused as I am to committing social crimes of this magnitude.
It took longer than I thought it would for him to notice I was making a point in his direction. There were only a few people in the carriage. He declared witheringly “She’s only three” to which I replied “But you’re not”. Not wanting to have an actual fight in front of a toddler, I calmly pointed out how hideous it would be if we all did what he did.
The sad truth is that he is just one of countless parents raising children who will never be taught the difference between public spaces and private spaces. Take the Surrey teenage boy playing incessant TikTok videos, 20 seconds at a time, on my train home a while ago. When I gently asked him to consider others he forcefully said ‘Or maybe YOU can stop being so lippy”.
A scene ensued not unlike the one in Gladiator when Russell Crowe reveals who he is to Joaquin Phoenix’s Caesar. “My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North and I will have my vengeance”. I repeated the word LIPPY in a voice only dogs could hear and wore him down breezily til he couldn’t reach for the off button fast enough. Cheeky little so and so.
Not that it’s just kids doing this. Hell, no. This one crosses every social barrier imaginable. Like a new pandemic of noise.
Just ask Professor Charlotte Clark from St George’s University of London. Noise is killing us and making us ill. She’s conducted research showing the impact excessive unwanted noise has on our hearts and brains. And it’s not just about noise levels. The sound of a playground full of happy children favours health, a neighbour’s noisy party less so. Tech noise, which includes the sounds from phones, is literally doing your head in.
I’m sure many people disagree with my take on this and think I’m expecting monastic silence in public spaces. I’m not. But I do expect a degree of behavioural continence. What was it that sign in swimming pools used to say? Kindly refrain from running, pushing, shouting, ducking, heavy petting, or smoking. Add phone abuse to that list and get those signs on every wall in the bloody country!
________________
Listen to LBC's Shelagh Fogarty from 1-4pm Monday to Friday on the new LBC app.
LBC Opinion provides a platform for diverse opinions on current affairs and matters of public interest.
The views expressed are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official LBC position.
To contact us email opinion@lbc.co.uk
