Au Revoir Paris
3 June 2017, 20:47 | Updated: 3 June 2017, 20:52
Donald Trump has pulled out of the Paris Accord because he does not believe there is any such thing as "Paris".
He said that "Paris" is an invention of the Chinese to make Donald Trump use less hairspray.
He did not say that, I made that up. What he did say was just as surreal.
His Orange Magnificence said he made the decision to pull the U.S. out of deal, as it was bad for the environment.
In his brave new world of made up facts, caring for the environment is bad for the environment.
That makes as much sense as anything else that's happened in the past few years.
Trump said, 'We don't want other leaders and other countries laughing at us any more. And they won't be. They won't be.'
I'm not sure that's true - I get the feeling that since the Screaming MeMe entered the Whitehouse, laughing at America has become the most popular world sport after football and fighting.
He said 'I was elected to represent the citizens of Pittsburgh, not Paris.'
Those words had only just fallen from his puckered lips when the mayor of Pittsburgh shot back that 80% of that city's voters went for Hilary and that he would issue an order ensuring that carbon emissions guidelines would still be followed there despite anything the President said.
They hate him in Pittsburgh, and pretty much everywhere else on earth.
He was roasted by a German newspaper which went with the headline 'Earth to Trump - f**k you!' after he pulled out of the Paris climate change accord
German Chancellor Angela Merkel said the decision of the US President to withdraw from the Paris Climate Agreement is "very regrettable", she said, adding "and I'm expressing myself in a very reserved way when I say that."
The diplomatic gloves are off. World leaders are not used to being barged out of the way, or having their arms wrenched out of their sockets by a man-child intent on making every handshake an infantile battle of dominance.
Angela Merkel is so angry she's fit to burst her lederhosen. She said, 'To everyone for whom the future of our planet is important, I say let's continue going down this path so we're successful for our Mother Earth,'
That's hilarious - "To everyone for whom the future of the planet is important"!
That's akin to taking off her lederhosen and waving her giant Teutonic bottom in his face.
Practically every other leader of a country that you have heard of lined up to pour scorn, disappointment and ridicule on the man who seems to be doing whatever his donors in the fossil fuel industries told him to say.
It is weird that the world's most powerful man is so old and stuck in his ways that he wants to retreat to some Norman Rockwell ideal of 1950s Americana when Pop went to work in the coal mine and Mom stayed at home making babies and apple pie.
The newly minted French President Emmanuel Macron looks and talks like he's from the future by comparison.
He crushed the US President's backward looking stance just as he beat him in Trump's own hand-yanking dance when they met at the G7 summit.
He said, "Wherever we live, whoever we are, we all share the same responsibility. Make our planet great again."
Put THAT on a trucker's hat.
Speaking directly to the camera in English, Macron said, 'If we do nothing, our children will know a world of migrations, of wars, of shortage. A dangerous world. It is not a future we want for ourselves. It is not a future we want for our children. It is not a future we want for our world.'
He even speaks English better than Trump.
Apart from world leaders, business people also expressed their dismay - even some from the oil industry.
Exxon, America’s largest oil company, urged Trump to back the climate change initiative, as did BlackRock, the world's largest asset manager.
These are companies Trump would have expected applause from. It's the thing he craves the most, but outside one of his staged rallies, applause has been in short supply.
Big names from the world of business quit Trump's advisory council over the Paris Accord decision. Among them was Bob Iger, the CEO of Disney.
Even Mickey Mouse thinks he's goofy.