Darren Adam 1am - 4am
Digging in for the 'do.
24 February 2018, 20:57 | Updated: 24 February 2018, 21:03
There's is a school in Great Yarmouth that was doing very badly. Its exam results were some of the worst in the country.
They recorded pass rates of just 30% in English and Maths at GCSE, which would be great if those pupils wanted to become radio talk show hosts, for example, but pretty much useless for anything else.
So they did something about it. They appointed a new headmaster, renowned for his tough approach to discipline.
His thinking is that if students are paying attention to what he teacher says, rather than gawping at their phones or doing their make-up, they might learn something.
In order to instil the right attitude, new head teacher, Barry Smith, announced to the parents that certain hairstyles were not acceptable in school.
He sent out a letter to the families before Christmas saying that the new rules will be applied from the 26th of this month, giving them over eight weeks to comply.
Of course, the parents were fully supportive of these demands, recognising that their off-springs' education was of the utmost importance.
Just kidding – they had a purple fit of rage that Stevie Wonder could have seen through walls.
They said, “Dahnchoo tell me what to do wiv my kids...it's my right, I can do what I want”, or words to that effect.
It's not as though the haircuts are worth fighting over. They are as comically hideous as any adopted by 15 year-olds since teenagers were invented.
Specifically, the cut in question is what the kids call the “Meet me at McDonalds”.
Presumably, this is because the sort that sports such a 'do hangs out there, stuffing their fat faces with cow parts and grease, as a between-meals snack, wiping their hands down their nylon track suits, checking their hair in the reflection in the window, texting their mates to see what they have doing since they last texted them ten seconds ago, and spitting.
This particular cut is mostly close shaved with a long perm on top, cascading over their squinty little eyes.
They look like they’ve been caught in an explosion in a pubic hair factory – it is short at the sides and curled and piled on top like they’re wearing a poodle as a hat.
That may ring a bell. It is the same haircut worn by the New Romantics of the 1980's.
Acts like Boy George and Adam and the Ants used to wear it.
Parents are digging their heels in, demanding their right to send their kids out looking like Kajaoogoo!
They must think that their progeny will all grow up to be famous, so why do they need to learn things?
Posting a letter about it on social media, one mother said it was 'absolutely ridiculous'.
Another said: 'You can't take time off sick as it affects your education...but they will happily send you home because they don't like your hairstyle.'
No, they won't...they will send your child home if you don’t obey a school rule that you've known about for two months
Another said: 'I think it is all getting silly now, a hairstyle does not affect a child's learning.'
But an attitude against the school you're in will.
It is not the first time that this headmaster has come against the immovable object that is a parent's fury at someone trying to help them overcome their stupidity.
Mr Smith previously threatened to deprive pupils of their mobile phones, and asked that they follow the teachers with their eyes when in class.
In other words: pay attention, this stuff might be boring and won't affect your ability to be a reality television star but on the off-chance you don't win the lottery, it's important.
Hard to believe that they needed telling that, but the school's dismal exam record before he got there suggests that the new head should be given all the encouragement the parents can muster.
After all, learning something in class might be the only hope their children have of leaving Great Yarmouth.