Every little injustice matters
13 January 2017, 20:46 | Updated: 13 January 2017, 20:53
Theresa May has vowed to start tackling ‘everyday injustices’. She is going to don her fetish footgear and cow-skin trousers and whip them into submission.
She has plans for housing, education and economic policies. The idea will probably be more housing, better education and a more equitable economic policy, although you never know.
A No 10 source said that "People feel left behind by economic progress." It only took about 80 million people in America and Britain screaming that at the top of their voices for the politicians to hear.
In order to tackle everyday injustices, Mrs M promises to deliver a new wave of prefabricated housing, because northing says "home" like mass produced, factory made, giant slabs of concrete and glass.
There are also proposals to speed up the planning process and force councils to accept thousands more homes in a bid to ease the housing crisis, so expect a chorus of disapproval along the lines of: that's just what we need but not round here of course - too busy, there's no parking, congestion's a nightmare, totally inappropriate, completely out of character.
People are crying out for more housebuilding to be done, just as long as it is not going up anywhere near them.
And The PM has said that new housing won't be restricted to the South East, it will be in other parts of the country too, in order to spread the joy more evenly.
After the everyday injustice of the housing shortage is solved, there's also the Government’s forthcoming industrial strategy, designed to boost jobs and economic growth, just as artificial intelligence marches in to take those very same jobs away
Mother Theresa is also keen on dealing with health inequalities. Those born in the poorest areas have an average life expectancy nine years shorter than those born in the wealthiest places.
That is troubling but not entirely unexpected. The causes may be numerous but one might be the average intelligence of the people in those areas.
It is not one of those things that you are supposed to say out loud, let alone put in print, but I would hazard that the average intelligence of people in poor areas is bested by those in rich ones.
How does one get out of a poor area? By being more successful that one's peers.
Success used to be measured by how many woolly mammoths you could slay before dinner, It is now measured, in this instance, by the amount of money you can make.
Smart people tend to make more money. There are exceptions of course: top footballers are not famous for their mental agility, bankers tend to earn a fortune whether they know what they are doing or not, and luck is probably the biggest factor in a person's success but on average, people are smarter in Richmond than Tower Hamlets.
Smart people tend to eat better and take care of themselves, because they are smart.
Poor people tend to spend vast amounts on cigarettes and frozen pizza bites.
Add to that the likelihood that if you have some money, the insurance of choice will be health insurance, so they do not have to roll the dice of death with the NHS, and it is not surprising that those of rich postcodes have greater longevity.
So, good luck with solving that injustice Prime Minister.
But it is not really an everyday injustice at all. None of them are. Housing, education and health are pretty fundamental issues.
An everyday injustice is when you are waiting at a bar and you have unaccountably become completely invisible to the barman, who only sees the people either side of you, despite you waving a twenty at him over the beer pumps.
An everyday injustice is when you order a frappa crappa mochachino and you are twenty paces down the road before you discover they've given you a peppermint, low fat chai latte.
When you are in, and waiting for the delivery of something you don't need that you bought with money you don't have, and the courier silently posts a "you were not in" note through your door, despite the fact that you were DEFINITELY IN!!!! - that is an everyday injustice.
And so is trying to clear up the mess left by your predecessors, tackle Brexit, placate the press, make your mark, take control and command the country, and all anyone can focus on is your saucy leather trousers and your leopard-print kitten heeled shoes.