Going ape.

23 September 2017, 21:00 | Updated: 23 September 2017, 21:03


Japan’s defence minister Itsunori Onodera warned his countrymen to buckle up, it's going to be a bumpy ride.

The leader of North Korea seems intent on testing an intercontinental ballistic missile by flying it over Japan to land somewhere in the sea.

This is why the President of the USA, Ancient Orange, called him “Rocket Man” when delivering one of his apocalyptic speeches, this time to the United Nations.

As an insult, it is not that great. In fact it sounds like quite a cool thing to be. Both Elton John and David Bowie wrote songs about rocket men. Who wouldn't want to have those two sing about them?

After Donald Chump acted the tough guy, North Korea’s foreign minister, said Pyongyang could respond by testing a powerful nuclear weapon in the Pacific.

Kim is acting this aggressively because he feels threatened. Only a fool would shout at an unstable person with nukes at their disposal.

Unfortunately, a fool is running the most powerful nation on earth.

He's going to get us all killed with his desperate need to be popular and to appear like a strong man and his propensity to yell at anyone that doesn't do what he wants, like a toddler having a tantrum.

L'il Fat Kim is like a cornered cat – he's going to strike out because he feels he has no other options for survival.

If you stop threatening a cornered animal, they stop spitting and scratching but diplomacy won't make Donald feel like a manly man, which he seems to want desperately.

He surrounds himself with military men and dons military attire and throws out threats to whoever hasn't told him how handsome and smart he is.

That sort of thing might get you somewhere in business, if you aren't very good at business, but it is a terrible quality for someone running a country

At this point, I don't know if it would better to invade North America or North Korea to affect a regime change.

Because of these two tyrants, we are in greater danger of nuclear war than at any time in history – at least when the Americans dropped the two nukes on Japan, nobody else had them...now they are more numerous than TV shows about people making cakes.

Kim called Trump “mentally deranged”.

That was also the conclusion of a group of psychiatrists in the US that spoke out for fear that if they didn't, they would feel culpable for whatever he did next.

On November 29, 2016, three distinguished Professors of Psychiatry from Harvard and The University of California decided to defy “The Goldwater Rule”, which states that they should not publicly evaluate the mental capacity of someone they have not had direct experience of, to publicly diagnose Donald Trump and to warn about what they saw as his severe personality disorders and mental incapacities.

Kim drew a critical comparison between Trump and his predecessors in the White House, calling him unfit to hold the position of Commander in Chief.

Kim said, “Far from making remarks of any persuasive power that can be viewed to be helpful to defuse tension, he made unprecedented rude nonsense one has never heard from any of his predecessors.”

He said, “the unethical will to ‘totally destroy’ a sovereign state … makes even those with normal thinking faculty think about discretion and composure.”

It comes to something when Kim Jong-un is the voice of reason and sanity.

Kim finished with a flourish, saying: “I will surely and definitely tame the mentally deranged US dotard with fire.”

That is a new one on me.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines the word dotard as "an old person, especially one who has become weak and senile".

The Korean term used by Kim translates literally as "old lunatic".

Meanwhile, world-renowned primatologist Dame Jane Goodall has likened Donald Trump's behaviour to that of a chimpanzee.

The British monkey expert has studied primates for more than 50 years. She brought all that experience to make this insight, saying “In many ways the performances of Donald Trump remind me of male chimpanzees and their dominance rituals,”

“In order to impress rivals, males seeking to rise in the dominance hierarchy perform spectacular displays: Stamping, slapping the ground, dragging branches, throwing rocks."

That works well if you have hair on your palms, you sit in trees all day and all you are in charge of is throwing around your own poop but it is behaviour less well suited to being the leader of a whole country.

Dame Jane's opinion has since been echoed by psychologist Professor Dan McAdams.

Describing what he called a male chimpanzee's "charging display" in an article in The Guardian, Professor Adams, of Northwestern University, said: "The top male essentially goes berserk and starts screaming, hooting, and gesticulating wildly as he charges toward other males nearby."

He said: "Trump’s incendiary tweets are the human equivalent of a charging display: designed to intimidate his foes and rally his submissive base, these verbal outbursts reinforce the President’s dominance by reminding everybody of his wrath and his force."

He's just a great big ape, the difference is that it is an ape's bottom that is usually orange.