He loves her, he loves her not.

14 July 2018, 21:05 | Updated: 14 July 2018, 21:09


Donald Trump is cross. He's grumpy like an infant that hasn't been burped. The reason for his orange ire is the press. As usual reporters have written down what he said and put it in their newspapers, which is very unkind of them, BAD!

This time, they misrepresented the huge numbers of people marching through central London on Friday by reporting that they were rallying against him and not for him, as you could clearly see by the signs they were holding, which included but were not limited to :

“Feed him to the corgis”, “We shall over-comb”, “Without immigrants, Trump would have no wives”, “In England, Trump means fart”, a baby holding a sign that read “I'm less of a baby” and “Super callous fragile ego Trump you are atrocious”, all of which were clearly marks of respect but the failing news media didn't report it that way, SAD!!

In order to make clear his position, Trump sat down with a journalist from The Sun newspaper.

During the encounter, he criticised Theresa May's leadership, the way she was dealing with Brexit, declared that her nemesis Boris Johnson would make a great Prime Minister, threatened to kill any prospective trade deal with the UK because she didn't handle Brexit the way he told her to and furthermore didn't like her shoes.

Apart from that last one, which I made up, his words were transcribed and relayed into print at which point his aids must have run around like they had a cattle prod up their nethers to try and reduce the harm caused by insulting and undermining the host of the country which had gone out of its way to make his trip extra-special.

In trying to row back on his recorded position, Trump fell back on his special power of declaring that he had not said what he had just said.

Trump addressed The Sun's interview on Friday saying: “Unfortunately, there was a story that was done which was, you know, generally fine, but it didn’t put in what I said about the prime minister, and I said tremendous things, and fortunately we tend to record stories now, so we have it for your enjoyment if you’d like it, but we record when we deal with reporters. It’s called fake news.”

No such recording was made available by the Trump administration.

The Sun’s response read: “We stand by our reporting and the quotes we used – including those where the president was positive about the prime minister, in both the paper and in our audio – and we’re delighted that the president essentially retracted his original charge against the paper later in the press conference.

“To say the president called us ‘fake news’ with any serious intent is, well … fake news.”

Just wait 'till someone tells Trump that the owner of The Sun is the same Rupert Murdoch that owns Fox News, which is his main defender in America, to the point that it is practically the state broadcaster.

For the purpose of clarity, this is an unedited transcript of the interview, which I have fabricated:

“Theresa may is a disaster, she's weak and school-marmish and her hands are tiny – my hands are huge compared to hers, everybody says so I can tell you that.

I have the greatest respect for Theresa May, she is inspiring, she’s doing a fantastic job.

She’s terrible, she is so bad, it's really terrible for her country.

I like her, our relationship is special, it’s the most special relationship of all time, even better than the relationship between me and my hot daughter…have you seen her…you know if I wasn’t her father…well, I can tell you she’s like Theresa May who is a great beauty, she is strong and a true leader.

She’s hopeless, she’s weak, I don’t even know what she is.

She is tremendous, I want to say that, Theresa is a great friend of mine.

I hate her, I would rather Boris Johnson was Prime Minister, he would do a lot better job.

I certainly would never say that anyone should be Prime Minister of another country, I never said that but I would say that Brexit is a catastrophe.

It's going very well.

It's exactly what the people voted for.

It's not what the people wanted at all.

And I haven't seen demonstrations, everybody in Britain loves me and I won't come again because of all the demonstrations that I have seen, which is not nice and totally wrong to insult a leader of such huge stature as Donald trump who loves Theresa May very much.

We have a special relationship of great specialness.

I'd like to punch her in the face.

And anyone who says so is fake news.”