Putting the lo in diplomacy
3 February 2017, 20:55 | Updated: 3 February 2017, 21:00
Here is the tally so far.
This is a list of the people and places that Donald Trump has picked a fight with just two weeks into his presidency: Iran, Iraq, Libya, Somalia, Syria, Sudan , Yemen, Canada, Europe in general (except Russia), North Korea, China, Australia, and Germany.
And he threatened to invade Mexico - he actually said to the democratically elected leader of the neighbouring country that he had some "bad hombres" down there and he might just send the US army in to Mexico to deal with them.
Then there was the continuing beefs with all of the past presidents of the US (except Abraham Lincoln), Republican senators Lindsey Graham and John McCain, the New York Times, the Washington Post, Vanity Fair, the media in general (except Fox News), the University of California at Berkeley, women who don't dress like women, whatever that means, and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
He abused Arny from behind a lectern that had the Seal of the President of the United States on the front, at an event called the National Prayer Breakfast, which is a religious based event organised by Congress and is something that is supposed to be for political and social leaders to gather to exchange views, in a pious and reflective environment.
Trump used it to say how great his audience was when he hosted the Apprentice reality TV show, compared to Arnold Schwarzenegger's, who is doing it now.
Arnold sent a message in response saying they should swap jobs - Trump could go back on TV, seeing as he's such an expert, and Arny could take over as President and then we will all be finally able to sleep comfortably again.
The other speaker at the event was the Chaplain of the US Senate. He did not use his time on stage saying how much better he is than the person who did that job before him, because, you know, he's a grown up.
Trump seems obsessed with making people believe that everything about him is the biggest ever.
He is totally preoccupied by size. It is why he can't get past losing the popular vote by three million people to Hillary. He has to invent some reason why he had a bigger vote - it was a lot of dead people illegally voting for her, or he could have had the biggest vote if he wanted to but he didn't bother to try and get it, which makes it odd that he's so bothered now.
And it is why he sees millions of people that weren't there at his inauguration.
Why would a man with small hands be so obsessed by size?
Well, you don't need Dr Freud to rise from the dead to help us figure that out - the way he has his tie so that it hangs down round his knees is indication enough.
He's Donald T Trumpet...the T stands for Tiny.
There is one thing that he is the best at, though. There is one area that he is the most successful of all previous presidents.
It is: reaching a majority disapproval rating. Bill Clinton was the previous record holder to get more than 50% of the American public to register their disapproval. He managed it after 573 days in office.
It took Obama 936 days and George W Bush 1205 days to get the majority of Americans to disapprove of their presidency.
Donald Trump has achieved the same feat in 8 days.
No-one's better at being disliked than the Donald. He's number one.
Now, who's going to be the one to tell him the good news?
