Married caller tried to "change himself" with therapy after he realised he was gay

7 February 2020, 18:11

This caller who was married with a family told Tom that when he realised he was gay, he remained in the marriage and went to counselling because he "desperately wanted to change."

Paul was married for 12 years then came to the acceptance he was gay and stayed married for 8 more years.

"I went to counselling because I thought I could change myself," he said, "that was the bit that terrified me was I desperately wanted to change because I didn't want that bombshell to go off in my family."

"I wanted to hang on to what I believe was best for my family and tried to make it work."

He wanted to prove to himself but had to come out in the end and told Tom how difficult it was for his teenage sons and his mother especially.

"Coming to terms with your sexuality is a journey and sometimes you do lie to yourself on that journey," he said, and acknowledged that this realisation is "so huge" that you can put it to the recesses of your mind.

"You can't live a lie and you come to accept it and accept yourself."

Tom said it is a "brave step to take" as you can't go back once you've announced your sexuality.