Kanye Trumps The CIA
13 December 2016, 17:13
Donald Trump is, "like, a smart person". We know that because he told us so himself.
In a post-fact world, that is one thing we can be assured of, as opposed to other facts, which are true or not depending on whether you want to believe them.
Donald Trump's mother was the best mother ever - he said that too. In his gold plated world, everything seems to be the best or worst of whatever category they are in. He doesn't do shade. It is all in black and white. He prefers white.
This would not be worrying if he were judging the World's Best Mum competition, or World's Hottest Daughter. His own would win hands down, every time.
It seems to have come as a surprise to Trump that the job he is about to take on might be harder than that. When talking to Newt Gingrich, the former Speaker of the House, he actually said that the US Presidency is "a bigger job than I thought".
What was he expecting? He acts as though being President is like becoming the world's most fabulous celebrity. He took Time's Person of the Year cover as confirmation of that.
It is not. Time's cover is given to the most newsworthy person of the year, not the best. Hitler and Stalin each "won" the cover before him.
When he is not revelling in his celebrity and newfound power, he is engaging with other celebrities, usually on Twitter.
There was some talk of him being banned from the social media site for trolling, but Twitter has not had a good year. Their stock is down a quarter in the past twelve months, their subscriber numbers are falling short of expectation and they are laying off workers. Donald Trump is the single best marketer for their service of anyone alive.
Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga have 150 million Twitter followers between them. Trump can only boast 17m but his Tourette's postings and their subsequent press coverage are publicity gold.
And his Tweets are constant. He spends so much time waggling his unusually short fingers over his phone that he has been neglecting his security briefings. He says he is smart and that he doesn't need them.
The American security services have thousands of people and a budget of $50 billion to tell the President of any threats to national security, which is the number one priority of the leader of any country.
His Republican predecessor George W Bush also skipped his security briefings and famously went golfing rather than read a warning from the CIA that a man called Osama Bin Laden was planning on hijacking aircraft.
He failed to read that report a month before those planes smashed into the World Trade Centre, so attending to the security services' briefings is fairly important, but Trump says he doesn't need them.
Perhaps they are a schedule conflict with Tweeting about how unfunny he thinks Alex Baldwin's portrayal of him is on Saturday Night Live.
Or maybe the briefings were booked in at the same time as his very important meeting with Kanye West. West is the man who said on stage at Glastonbury that he was the world's greatest rock star. They should get on like a house on fire.
Trump would rather make time to have celebs come to pay homage, and make critics like Mitt Romney suffer, than take the job of being President seriously.
In 1985, when talking to the news programme 60 Minutes, he said, "When I think I am right, nothing bothers me".
He was 40 years old then. He has not changed.
He does not need anyone else's views on foreign policy, or the environment, or security, or diplomacy, or anything. The so-called experts and their so-called facts can wait in line behind Ted Nugent, who should be round any time now.
Donald J Trump does not need advice. The J stands for Genius.
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