I’m navigating GCSEs as an American mum. This is the advice I’d give anyone

24 April 2025, 13:18

When I moved to England over a decade ago with a three- and five-year-old in tow, I wandered into a stationery store and found an entire section of greeting cards dedicated to exams.

“Well done you!” they chirped. “Congrats on your GCSEs!” I laughed out loud. I’m American. We don’t do cards for midterms. At the time, I chalked it up to a quaint cultural quirk. We were only meant to be here for two years.

Twelve years later, I’ve just received my daughter’s GCSE schedule: 24 exams in six weeks, the culmination of three years of study. I’m now raising two girls in a system that couldn’t be more different from the one I grew up in—and writing about it, too.

Watching my daughters—and thousands of other young people—grapple with the often joyless pressure of modern schooling led me to research what motivates teenagers to learn. That research became my book: The Disengaged Teen.

We often say the UK and US are “two nations divided by a common language,” and education is no exception. In America, the pressure starts early and comes from all directions—grades, sports, test scores, extracurriculars—all building toward the Everest of college admissions.

In the UK, things are narrower but deeper: high-stakes national exams sort students at 16 (GCSEs) and again at 18 (A-levels), with each round shaping the academic and career path ahead.

The pressure points differ. The impact on teens feels eerily similar.

Young people feel more ranked than seen. Boredom, burnout, and mental health challenges are surging. And amid all of it, motivation to learn—to really learn—keeps slipping through our fingers.

The differences run deep. In the UK, “studying” is called “revising.” Students wear uniforms, take three A-levels, and apply to university for a specific course of study. In the US, students juggle five or six subjects at once, and the journey to college can span years, with wildly different rules and standards depending on which state (or even which district) you live in.

In the UK, the university experience is three years and costs, on average, £27,000. That’s the price of a semester at many private US universities. In the US, elite colleges weigh legacy status, athletic achievement, and extracurriculars. In the UK, it’s mostly about grades, though income and access still dictate far too much.

But underneath these surface differences, I’ve found something unifying: too many teenagers are disengaged from school. And too few systems are designed to help them reconnect.

What We Can Do When Exam Stress Piles On

So what’s the best way to cope with exam pressure? One way is to borrow from world-leading experts on autonomy-supportive teaching, those studying how to motivate pupils in classrooms. More than two decades of randomised controlled trials in 18 countries show when teachers use these strategies, students perform better, feel better and behave better. A few key tenets include:

1. Acknowledge the frustration they feel and the toughness of the situation.

Don’t Say: Just get on with it. I had to do it and so does everyone else.

Try instead: I hear you saying you hate this. A pile of exams and a lot of studying is hard. Of course, you would rather be with friends than spend three hours on chemistry.

2. Use invitational rather than instructional language.

Don’t say: You have to do this. Now.

Try instead: Might you consider trying…a few-30 minute study sprints or Would it help if you studied in the mornings?

Your goal is to connect with your teen. Issuing directives will only bring down a forefield ensuring your advice will not be heard.

3. Offer an explanatory rationale

Too often, we tell kids they have to do things because it’s how they have always been done. Get over it, or, get on with it. A better approach is to tell them why they are doing what they are doing and some of the ways they are being prepared for the future.

Don’t Say: Just get through it.

Try instead: Exams help us to consolidate knowledge or tests are how a huge number of employers now screen for candidates. This is excellent practice for what comes later in life.

Or: performing under pressure is hard. It’s also life skills gold: presenting at a meeting, speaking at an event or memorizing the facts you will use to present to your boss when you go in to ask for a raise.

4. Finally: let them know it is through struggle that learning happens.

Just like athletes get stronger from tough workouts, learners get stronger through practice. The struggle is real and hard, but it is also useful and finite. In July, they will be done with exams, and life will look brighter. Remind them of the sense of accomplishment they will feel when they have finished well, having put in the effort to do their best.

No system is perfect. But every teen deserves a shot at discovering what they’re capable of—and to be supported, not sorted, along the way.

So yes, when my daughter finishes her gauntlet of exams, I’ll be waiting with a card—one available only in the UK.

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Jenny Anderson is the author of The Disengaged Teen.

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