'Do you want me to die? Because that's where I am': Phillip Schofield says he has 'lost everything' after affair

2 June 2023, 05:57 | Updated: 2 June 2023, 12:36

Phillip Schofield says he has been struggling with suicidal thoughts
Phillip Schofield says he has been struggling with suicidal thoughts. Picture: Getty/BBC
Kieran Kelly

By Kieran Kelly

Phillip Schofield has said he has "lost everything" and that he no longer has a career after revealing that he lied about having an affair with a young male colleague.

Schofield said he is "utterly broken and ashamed" by the affair and his lies but insists he did not groom the younger colleague, who eventually left ITV.

Previously saying that the affair was "unwise but not illegal", Schofield told the BBC that it was "was a grave error", adding: "I shouldn't have done it."

"I have to talk about television in the past tense, which breaks my heart," he continued. "I have lost everything."

"What am I going to do with my days?" he added. "I see nothing ahead of me but blackness, and sadness, and regret, and remorse, and guilt. I did something very wrong, and then I lied about it consistently."

Adding that he had been suffering with suicidal thoughts, Schofield continued: "Last week, if my daughters hadn't been there, I wouldn't be here."

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Phillip Schofield says he has ‘lost everything’ in the wake of his secret affair

Phillip Schofield announced he was stepping back from This Morning two weeks ago
Phillip Schofield announced he was stepping back from This Morning two weeks ago. Picture: Getty

Meanwhile, in a separate interview, Schofield said he "understands" why Holly Willoughby ignored his apology text after revealing that he had lied about the affair.

Just under a week after Schofield revealed the affair, the former presenter told The Sun: "I've lost my best friend. I let her down. I let that entire show down. I let the viewers down.

"Holly did not know. And she was one of the first texts that I sent, to say, ''I am so, so sorry that I lied to you''.

"She didn't reply, and I understand why she didn't reply, as well. So yeah. If anyone is in any way linking Holly to this — that is ­absolutely, wholly untrue."

Read More: Dr Ranj Singh hits back at people ‘trying to cause damage’ as photo of him with Phillip Schofield’s ex-lover resurfaces

It comes after the news that an external lawyer has been hired to "establish the facts" surrounding who knew what details about Schofield's affair.

Willoughby, who is currently on an extended half-term holiday from This Morning, is expected to return to screens next week.

A source told The Mirror: "Holly will of course 100% cooperate with the inquiry should she be asked, as she has nothing to hide whatsoever.

"She has made crystal clear that Phil lied to her about his relationship with the runner, and is super relaxed about giving her version of events."

Read More: Phillip Schofield says he is 'utterly broken and ashamed' but insists he did not groom younger colleague

Read More: Phillip Schofield replaced by Jane McDonald as host of British Soap Awards after presenter left ITV

Holly Whilloughby is currently on an extended half-term holiday
Holly Whilloughby is currently on an extended half-term holiday. Picture: Getty

Meanwhile, Schofield has continued to insist that he did not groom his young male employee, who is believed to have been 15 when they met - years before the affair.

The 61-year-old told The Sun: “I did not, I did not (groom him).

“There are accusations of all sorts of things. It never came across that way because we’d become mates. I don’t know about that.

“But of course I understand that there will be a massive judgment, but bearing in mind, I have never exercised that anywhere else.”

Read More: Philip Schofield 'begged YouTuber who filmed him with lover to delete video that could ruin his career'

He added that the “greatest apology” he has given over the fallout from the affair was to his former lover.

“It has brought the greatest misery into his totally innocent life, his totally innocent family, his totally innocent friends. It has brought the greatest grief to them, ” he said.

He added: “I am deeply sorry and I apologise to him because I should have known better. I should have acted the way I have always acted. I should not have done it.

“I’m sorry. And I will forever be sorry. I will die sorry. I am so deeply mortified.”

The affair occurred before Schofield publicly came out as gay in 2020, and while he was still married to wife Stephanie Lowe, whom he wed in 1993.

Those feeling distressed or suicidal can call Samaritans for help on 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org in the UK. In the US, call the Samaritans branch in your area or 1 (800) 273-TALK