James O'Brien's epic take on Boris Johnson's traffic light travel rules

3 August 2021, 11:04 | Updated: 3 August 2021, 12:28

EJ Ward

By EJ Ward

This is James O'Brien's epic monologue on Boris Johnson's traffic light travel rules.

The rant comes following a backlash by Tory MPs, ministerial concerns and complaints from the travel industry, over an "amber travel watchlist."

Government sources confirmed yesterday that there would be "no amber watchlist".

In his usual style, James said it was "one of those mornings where I think that the chaotic state of the nation becomes even clearer than it is on every other morning.

"And also the headlines are almost hilarious if it was happening somewhere else or indeed in a work of fiction penned perhaps by Armando Iannucci, then we'd all be chuckling away.

"But apparently, Boris Johnson has stepped in to save holidays on the continent.

"And who has he stepped in to save them from? Well, it doesn't say that in a Daily Telegraph headline, but as far as I can tell, he saved them from Boris Johnson's plans.

"Boris Johnson has stepped in to save holidays on the continent from Boris Johnson's own previous plans. "

What were the previous plans?

At this point, James said he just needed to pause and warn his listeners "it's highly likely you will not understand any of what follows."

He pointed out it was not a reflection on the intelligence of the listeners or his ability to communicate complicated ideas.

"It is because we are living in a state of almost Kafka esque chaos. Alright, or confusion actually."

"Are you ready?" James asked

"Boris Johnson has stepped in to save continental holidays from Boris Johnson's previous plans.

"What were the previous plans? The previous plans were introduced to introduce something called an amber watch list.

James continued: "Had the amber watchlist that Boris Johnson has now saved you from despite the fact that it was Boris Johnson's original plan come in today.

"Then the amber watch list by my reckoning would have been the sixth tier of the so-called traffic light system.

"So a system has been selected for its simplicity it contains only three constituent parts would have had six parts by teatime today.

"Green, Green watchlist, amber, amber watchlist, red.

"And another one, which at this point in proceedings I can either not remember or never actually knew.

"And it's still highly possible that I have a better grasp of the facts and Grant Shapps as Secretary of State for Transport and Boris Johnson, the current Prime Minister."