James O’Brien says he's weaning himself off 'pure sweet hopium!'

7 November 2022, 13:52 | Updated: 7 November 2022, 14:57

James' addiction: 'It's a genuine desperation born of the alternatives!'

By Phoebe Dampare Osei

James O'Brien says he is cutting back on the "intoxicating drug of kindness" where he gives the government the "benefit of the doubt" an addiction born out of "genuine desperation".

James O’Brien announced that he is cutting down on his “hopium” fix, describing the imaginary drug as the times he's expressed hope in the government before being let down once again.

“Don’t laugh, and don’t accuse me of being too naive again, or doing that thing I used to do where I would bend over backwards to find some good in the government because the alternative is so bleak”, he began.

“I’ve stopped doing that until I start doing it again”, he said, explaining that it is a “genuine desperation…born of fear of the alternatives”.

“Given that I have it on my record forever, that I spoke warm words about Matt Hancock in the early days of the coronavirus catastrophe, I need to wean myself off of the intoxicating drug of kindness”, James firmly announced.

He said the reason he is “addicted” is because the “alternative" is "believing that [MPs] are all as awful as each other”.

“We have somehow ended up with a governmental class, with a post-Brexit Conservative party so utterly devoid of talent and integrity that Nadine Dorries being made Secretary of State for culture media and sport may be looked back on as a high point!

“That’s why I keep having my fix once a week or once a month, I’m cutting down…I’m now only really having to have a hit every month or so, every time they change Prime Minister”, he joked, referring to the multiple changes of Prime Ministers this year.

James took his listeners back to the day of Rishi Sunak’s appointment:

He said: “I was off my face that day on hopium when Rishi Sunak actually used the words professionalism, integrity, and accountability.”

He added: “I honestly thought that was him saying 'I know how rancid the last lot were and the lot before that who I was also Chancellor for'.”

James continued: “'Integrity, professionalism and accountability' - 'Inject that into my veins!', I said. 'That pure sweet hopium!'

"It lasted 10 minutes that high. Then he appoints Suella Braverman that afternoon…and Gavin Williamson the next day despite having been told about the offence that he now stands accused of by Wendy Morton.”

This comes after Sir Gavin Williamson, sent abusive messages to the former Chief Whip and Parliamentary Secretary to the Treasury, Wendy Morton after not being invited to Queen Elizabeth II’s funeral.

He is now facing an investigation.

READ MORE: Gavin Williamson investigated over expletive-filled messages after he wasn’t invited to the Queen’s funeral

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